Meals Delivered to Your Door

By this point we have all heard of Blue Apron or Hello Fresh. Those companies that plan meals for you, portion it out, and have it shipped to your door. I have always been curious but thought "How will Andrew like the meals (he's my picky eater), and is it really worth the money?" I never signed up for it for those reasons and because Andrew and I live on a budget (Dave Ramsey style) and I figured it was a frivolous thing.

Well, my friend Valerie sent me a text out of the blue one day asking me if I would want a free box from Hello Fresh. She would send me a link that would get me one box with no obligation to keep purchasing them. I said heck yeah, send me that free stuff! (It ended up being $1.00) Anyway, I got my box yesterday. I signed up for the vegetarian box because I am trying to eat less meat and the thought of a box of food with meat in it sitting on my step until I got home from work didn't really sound appealing.

I received my first box yesterday:

I couldn't wait to see what was inside and how it was packaged and I was instantly impressed:

Everything was packed up in nice little boxes. LOVE. I didn't have to sort or figure out what ingredients went with what recipe. They fit nicely in my fridge too. There is a part in the box that says "Lift here for fresh meat and fish" and underneath they insulate the box with very nice ice packs and insulated wrapping. I would actually be OK getting meat from them after seeing how they package the food. I was very impressed.

I decided we were going to have the Orechiette with wild mushrooms and brussles sprouts because YUM.....

It.Was.Amazing. Andrew ate it. Andrew, my husband, ate mushrooms and brussels sprouts.

The recipe was easy to follow, the prep (cutting of fresh veggies, garlic, etc.) was super easy and well explained to the point that a novice in the kitchen could follow along. It was ready in less than 30 minutes, it was super filling, and they give you the nutritional information per serving.

I can't stress how much I love this box and this company. The other thing I want to add is that I was EXCITED TO COOK. Yes, I actually looked forward to cooking which is something that hasn't happened in a very long time. I always loved to cook, but doing it night after night and then having a baby thrown in the mix turned me into a "let's just have frozen pizza" mom. I don't want to be that mom. I want to cook healthy and fresh meals. This is my answer.

The Vegetarian box is $59 a week and the regular box is $69. Shipping is free (or built into the cost..... either way) It breaks down to $9.08 per person. The box with meat would be $10.75 per person. Going out to eat is WAY more expensive than that.

All in all, doing it once a month is what Andrew and I have agreed on. It will be one week out of the month that I don't have to think about planning dinners and we can have some different, delicious meals. That is the other plus about the box, you can choose when you want a shipment, change your box at any time, AND it asks you what foods you prefer to eat and what you don't like so they can truly personalize it to your liking. Also, you can go in look at the next week's recipes and if they don't sound appealing, you can cancel delivery for that box and get the next week's.

So, if you've looked into it before and just haven't taken the plunge; I say go for it! You want a box for $1.00 to try it out? Let me know and I will send you a link!! You won't be disappointed. Promise.

We all have our struggles....

We are all human. We all have flaws. We all have things we wish were different and wish that we could just wake up one morning and have it all be gone. None of us are perfect.

This isn’t a post to put myself down. This is a post for me to openly admit that I struggle, just like everyone else. If it doesn’t speak to you, then maybe it will speak to someone else.

·         I procrastinate

o   Most people procrastinate. This isn’t something that is just a Becky problem. My problem with procrastination is that I do it, and then when I DO sit down to do whatever tasks I had or to clean whatever it was I was going to clean, I do it with SUCH energy and SUCH resolve that it is almost scary. I get to the point where even if I have to pee, I won't allow myself to until that current task is done. Because as always “I’m almost done!” This is probably one of the reasons that I get frequent UTIs. I shouldn’t HOLD IT.

·         I never finish anything

o   My family jokes about this one. I used to start craft projects all of the time when I was younger and NEVER FINISHED THEM. I’d get so excited about them, I’d work on them non-stop. Then I’d set it aside one day and BOOM. Done. No more interest. To this day that still happens to me on a regular basis. Just ask the blanket I started to crochet last March……. It’s amazing when I DO finish things. Like, the baby blankets I made for Danielle, Sydney, and Heather. I can finish blankets for their kids but not my own. Yeah. Figure that one out.

·         I always have good ideas, then they die out

o   This is one that REALLY bugs me. I get so hyped up about something new…. I do it, I go strong, and then out of nowhere something so miniscule happens and I’m completely derailed and I let it throw me off. WTF is that about? Get your shit together, Becky.

·         I binge eat

o   This is my number one BIGGEST weight loss hurdle. I have never, NEVER gotten over this; even during 2009-2011 when I dropped a shit ton of weight and got down to 160 pounds…. I still had trouble with binge eating. The difference back then is that I was running every day. I burned enough calories to hide it. It is like I cannot.get.enough.food. I try and plan food, make food ahead, prep, prep, prep, eat my snacks... but it will come to a point where I am so hungry I feel like if I don’t eat I might die. Seriously. People who have trouble with binge eating understand. You just can’t get the food into your stomach fast enough. You eat, and eat, and then once the food is in there and you are STUFFED, you feel like absolute shit and hate yourself. This is where people who purge would run to the bathroom and get all that garbage out of their system. Not me. I hate puking…. I do it enough as it is with my weak stomach. I have made myself puke a total of 4 times in the past. I scared myself so badly that I never did it again. Thank God for small miracles. One of my BIGGEST fears is passing on my issues to Carson. I have cried myself to sleep some nights worrying that Carson will grow up overweight like I did.

·         I have the biggest guilty conscience in the world

o   I want to make everyone happy. This is such an unrealistic expectation that it almost makes me miserable. What’s the point? I mean, I don’t want to go around hating on everyone and being selfish; I just want to stand my ground more and do things I want to do or do the things that make ME most comfortable and screw everyone else. Ok, that was harsh, but you know what I mean. If I don’t make it to some event because I feel my time would be better spent elsewhere then that is what I am going to do. My family will get over it, my friends will get over it. If they don’t…. well, do I really want to focus on that negativity? Things happen, people understand…. I wish it didn’t make me feel so bad though. I am trying desperately to work on this. Especially with being a mom. I have been getting better about standing my ground even if people get mad at me. I don’t care. I am mom. Mom’s rule the nest. End of story. (Sorry Andrew)

·         I don’t know what I want in life

o   I am so, SO jealous of my friends who got right out of high school and said “I want to do XYZ!” Went to school for it, graduated, and are now working in the field they want. I hate you all. Ok, I don’t really…. But you suck. I don’t mean that either (assholes). I’m done I swear. Ha! I am 30 years old and sometimes sit and go “What am I doing with MY life?” It’s not that I hate my job, I don’t hate my marriage, I don’t hate my child….. I just think “is there supposed to be more?” Maybe there’s not. Maybe my life’s journey is to have babies, be a great mom, be a wonderful daughter, and a good friend. That’s hard to accept though when you always have this constant nagging to “Keep up with the Jones’s” Fuck them. I’m awesome.

·         I make super quick decisions and then regret them almost instantly

o   Uggghhhhh…. This one is also related to food. “I’m going to eat that! It’ll make me feel better” Nope. Didn’t. What’s that? Sure, I’d love some horrid heartburn now. Not good enough? Fine, revolt stomach, I don’t mind puking my guts out on a Monday afternoon. (Yes, this happened to me just this week.) Didn’t make myself puke, my body just said “What in the flying fuck are you DOING TO YOURSELF?” and made me puke up everything I had to eat and drink that day. It wasn’t pretty. I also make decisions in life, shopping is a HUGE example of this. I impulse shop. OMG do I impulse shop. Do you know how hard it is for a person like me to follow a budget? It’s almost torture. Hahahaha. I am SO much better than I ever used to be about this (thank you, Andrew) but I still have moments. Most stuff I purchase I don’t take back either. That’s what makes it even worse.

These things are currently in my mind right now. Things that I struggle with on a daily basis that almost make me crazy.

All I can keep telling myself is that there are people there when I need them (a HUGE thank you to Amber, Sydney, Valerie, and my mom for my most recent word vomit episodes) and that they will always be there. If I need help, I just HAVE TO ASK.

That being said…

Who wants to join WeightWatchers meetings with me?!?! I really do want a buddy to do it with again.

Please?

Friday Weigh-In

Starting Weight: 260

Week 2: 251.1

Loss: -1.9

Total Lost: 8.9

Left to Lose: 91.1

Boom.

Break From Our Regularly Scheduled Programing

It's been a minute since I updated or blogged. I've just been insanely busy. Either that or insanely lazy.... I'll go with busy. 

Quick Updates: 

Carson is doing well and growing like CRAZY. He is 8 months now (WTF?!) and is wearing size 9 months in clothing. He's still petite for his age, but he is healthy and happy and that is what matters! I think now he is weighing in at 17 pounds. 

I just love him to pieces! 

Andrew and I are also doing really well. I attempted to get back into running and the day I decide to go out and do it I strain a muscle in my right side and was limping for like two weeks. Super irritating! However, meds and continuous use of it is making it better to a point where I will be able to get out again. 

I've discovered that early mornings are what is going to work best for me. After work just doesn't cut it with Carson because he's too needy when I get home from work (he misses me) and won't sit still/not fuss in the stroller. In the early morning I can go while he is still sleeping and have some "me" time. I'm finding I need a lot more of that lately. 

Weight lost front? Well, we've started over. Again. I gave myself three weeks... THREE WEEKS... off to just figure my shit out and just have a moment to think "What do I really need?" 

I came back to WeightWatchers. As usual. I figured out I have TOO MUCH information in my head about healthy eating and weight loss. Sometimes that can be a bad thing. I miss the simplicity of everything. I've watched so many documentaries, read so many articles, know what is good for me, bad for me, better for me, worse for me....... and I hate it all. I just want to LIVE and not STRESS about every little thing I put in my mouth. Like, OMG I ATE TWO OREO COOKIES. THEY ARE PROCESSED AND I'M GOING TO DIE NOW. No, that is not going to happen. I figure if I eat well 90% of the time, hell... even 75% of the time, it is better than nothing. 

I.cannot.cut.out.foods.or.food.groups. 

Cannot. 

When I do, I do it for about two weeks full force and then BOOM, binge and sabotage. I then find myself back and square one. So, WeightWatchers it is. The plan that allows me to eat/drink ANYTHING I want in moderation and still lose weight. 

To me, WW is like that friend that I have had (now for 8 years) that always has my back. It never leaves me, when I need it, it's there. It guides me and puts me back on the right path. That is why I love it so. 

So, here we are, back to a new starting weight. 

Starting Weight: 260
Week 1 (more like 12 days) weigh in: 253

Total Lost: 7

Left to lose: 93

I am going to focus more on smaller goals since 93 is a terrifying number. 

Right now, my goal is 245. I have 8 more pounds to get there. From there, here are the milestones I have:

• 230 pounds (30 pound loss) = New work clothes! At least one new pair of pants, 2 shirts/blouses/sweaters, 1 pair of shoes (I'm in desperate need of black flats)
• 215 pounds (45 pound loss) = Get my hairs did (highlights, cut... the works)
• 199 pounds (ONEDERLAND 61 pound loss) = more new clothes! This time a bigger selection.  I'll be hitting up Maurices big time. 

I haven't done anything from there and I still might make some small 5-10 pound loss goals...... 

Let's just hope this go around I can get my shit together. 

Childhood Summers

I am so glad my grandma got to watch us all of the time. Since grandpa passed away when I was finishing kindergarten it gave grandma something to do. We loved going to grandma's house. She had all sorts of really neat, old toys that belonged to my mom, my aunt and my uncles, a bar that we essentially made into a play area, and lots and lots of board games. During the summer months when mom and dad worked, grandma would take us to different parks around town, we'd feed the ducks, we'd go to the Children's Museum, and we'd have lunch at places like McDonald's or Taco Bell. Grandma really liked Taco Bell, still does.

There was always food at grandma's too. Sugary cereals for the mornings after we had spent the night, Oreo cookies, Lays potato chips, candy in glass dishes on the counter, usually peanut butter M&Ms. I remember Lays potato chips being one of the things I craved when at grandma's. She always had them. Always. There was never a time that a bag of Lay's was not sitting on top of her fridge. To this day she still buys them, only the low sodium kind. Lunches consisted of Campbell's chicken noodle soup with extra noodles added, ramen, sandwiches with potato chips, good comfort foods. A favorite meal of mine growing up was mom or grandma's homemade chicken and noodles. They would make the noodles from scratch and it was one of the best meals I ever had. Throw a heaping scoop of that over homemade mashed potatoes and I was in heaven.

Summertime at grandma's also usually meant we would get to see our cousins. I have a big family on both sides. On mom's side I'm one of thirteen grand kids. On dad's side I believe I'm one of seventeen. My aunt Mary and uncle David had 5 kids. They were the ones we were closest too. I considered my cousin Danielle one of my best friends. She is only one year older than me. Then there was Nate who was Andy's age. The four of us were a team that played together constantly. I still see Danielle as one of my closest friends and as we have gotten older Sarah isn't nearly the brat she once was. (Love you, Sarah!)

There was swimming in the wonderful above ground pool that really did fit well in Grandma's backyard. After swimming there would be ice cream cones, trips to Chuck E Cheese's, pizza, cookies, cake, snacks... (lots of spring/summer birthdays in my family). I just remember my childhood being full of fun, family, and food.

I love my grandmother more that I can put into words. I have had and still have a close relationship with her and my cousins love to say that I'm her favorite. I don't know about all that, I just know I spent oodles of time with her growing up and still see her a couple times a week. When she lived in Davenport I would also go visit her on weekends and drag Andrew along with me. She taught me how to crochet, knit, and do needlepoint. She would have us help her in the garden, we mowed her grass for a little money, I once painted that woman's garage in the middle of summer for $50. I was rich!

I say all of that to prompt this memory because even though this story still hurts me to this day, I still love my grandmother and if you ask her, she does NOT remember doing this.
There was one day at her house that she asked me to get on her scale to see how much I weighed. I was probably 8 or 9 years old. After she saw the weight she said "Goodness, I weigh less than you." and that was the end of that. My poor little heart sank after that. I already knew I was bigger than all of my friends and my cousins but that really made it sink in. I weighed more than my grandmother. An adult woman.

Thus began the binge eating in secret.

June 9, 1985

The day I was born. My mom likes to tell me about how the doctor and my father were watching the Chicago Cubs game during breaks in her pushing to get me out. I can imagine both my father and the doctor encouraging her and telling her she was doing great and then both of them turning their heads to see the next play or keep an eye on the score. My dad likes to tease me and say it is my fault that they lost that game and then went on a horrible losing streak after a marvelous winning streak. I don't believe that to be true at all. The Chicago Cubs know how to choke all on their own. Me being born had nothing to do with it.

My first memories that I have are very vague, very shadowed. I remember tidbits, images, smells, sounds. I remember being a happy girl, I remember mom always wanting me to sit still while she did my hair in curls or long french braids. I remember Andy and I mostly getting along and playing together. I remember our first house and how big it seemed to me when in reality it was tiny. It was a happy house though filled with happy times. I always remember my mom telling me that on my fourth birthday I pushed my birthday cake away and stated "I don't want to get fat." If only that mindset and determination would have stuck with me my entire life.

There wasn't much in my life that was sad. My parents were happy and they were great parents. They played with us, they took us places, they blessed us with toys and showed their love for us in ways that only they could. I really did have a happy family life.

It is important to note that in my family, passing down from generation to generation, food equals love. When someone cooks for you, they are telling you they love you. When they bake a treat, or buy your favorite cookies, they love you. When they go out of their way to make your favorite dinner, they love you. Turning down food was like a slap in the face, especially to my dad who managed restaurants for years. Cooking was and is still a passion for that man and he is exceptionally good at it. To this day I hate saying "no thank you" to my dad after he has made something.

My earliest memories of food involve my dad working at Icee. How cool, right? He would sometimes have broken Icee machines in the warehouse that still produced Icees and we would get to eat them. Not to mention the stacks upon stacks of free Icee coupons he would bring home to us so we could run up to the Kwik Mart and get a free Icee whenever we wanted. There were also giant bags of popcorn. If they didn't go to feed the ducks, we ate them.

I don't remember ever getting fat. I just remember BEING fat. By the time I started kindergarten I was already taller than everyone too. I remember two boys standing behind me saying "Why are you so big?" That was my first day of school. I didn't think too much of it really. I just thought I was taller and stocky. The boys would catch up eventually, right? No one ever really picked on me very much those first few years of school, but I did remain bigger than everyone. Not only in my height, but in my girth. I was a chubby girl. There was no lack of friends, no lack of fun, no lack of sleepovers, but I was definitely different in the way I looked and the way my brain worked. While most of my girlfriends were tiny little things, I was the big girl. Sometimes I did feel like a tag-a-long that didn't quite fit in.

Having an older brother who I was actually close to stopped the older kids from being mean to me. Andy would have never let someone pick on me, at least not to my face. In fact, he sometimes even let me hang out with his friends because there were no girls my age in my neighborhood. Andy and I may have fought, because that's what siblings do, but for the most part we got along wonderfully. He never called me fat, he never mentioned my weight, he was just my brother, my friend, someone I had when no one else was around.

Because of that, school was mostly tolerable. I rarely remember being picked on by kids a lot. Sometimes the words "fat girl" or "big girl" came out of a bully's mouth but not to the point that I severely hated my childhood. Around third grade is when I really started in with the secretive eating. I think it was my way of coping with being different, with not having anyone in the neighborhood to play with. It was my way of filling some kind of void and comforting myself. Mom and dad both worked, even after Seth was born, Grandma was our full time babysitter after school and in the summer months when we were out of school.

To Be Continued....

Inspired: The Start of Something New

I love books. I love to read. Anyone who truly knows me knows that. I used to carry around a book all of the time when I was in high school. The thicker the better. A book wasn't worth reading unless is was super thick with tiny print. In fact, I remember quite a few of my friends giving me a hard time about reading such large books for "fun". Study hall was my favorite class: I got to read uninterrupted for almost an hour. It was heaven. Well, it actually would have been better if I would have been home, listening to music, and been all snuggled up in bed with a dog keeping my legs warm.... but it was uninterrupted reading time and that was always a good thing.

I remember loving to read. Some of my first memories are of being able to read before anyone else my age could. I was the only one in my kindergarten class that could read a book. I used to love going to the library and checking out books, the smell of the library was a comfort to me. I also remember going to the Book-Mobile every Monday night. For those of you that don't know what that is, it is basically a traveling library. It was this huge camper/van type vehicle that had shelves jam packed full of books. I loved it. When the weather was nice we could ride our bikes or walk to it. I got really into chapter books and books in a series. I always fell in love with characters and never wanted the stories to end. I'm like that to this day. I am disappointed when a good book or series ends. I have this fear of dread that I will never pick up another book that will make me feel the way the last one did. This is why I have re-read many books and many different series of books.

I've gone off on a bit of a ramble there. What I am getting at is that when you love to read, you are always looking for book recommendations from people. I have friends that have told me about the best books I have ever laid my eyes on and for that I'm incredibly thankful! I am a fan of memoirs and recently a friend of mine recommended I read "It Was Me All Along" by Andie Mitchell.

It is a memoir of a young woman who struggled with her weight her entire life and ended up losing over 130 pounds in her twenties. You can see why this book called to me. I mean, she was even born in 1985 like me. She's my age! I broke down and finally bought it on audio book through Audible. I have been very in to audio books at the moment because they are easier when you have a baby.

Now, I am only up to Chapter 4 since I just got this the other day, but listening to this woman talk about her life and her relationship with food makes me want to cry. Not cry because it's sad (well, it kind of is) but cry because I feel like I could have written the exact words myself.  Like she dug deep into my brain and my heart and knew exactly how to put it into words. It's almost frightening. However, I am sure a lot of women could relate. Now, I did not have the same childhood and past like she did, but I have the same issues with food as she did. I am so looking forward to hearing about the change in her life and what finally snapped.

This book spurred an interest for me. I decided I want to go through and write about my childhood, my memories, my issues with body image and food, what is was like to grow up like I did. I feel that maybe someone out there can relate and possibly learn something from my experiences and maybe figure something out about themselves.

So, if you're not interested in this journey then you won't be reading my blog for awhile. I am going to try and be honest but there might be some things I do not share. There are some things only people close to me need to know.

It begins......

Impromptu Overnight Stays

As of right now my babysitting situation is as follows:

On days that mom does not work, she is at my house until I get home from work. I get off work at 4:30 now. On days that mom does work, Carson is in Taylorville and Seth and Grandma B watch him from the time mom goes to work to when I get there. So, about two nights a week I drive to Taylorville after work to pick Carson up. I really like the arrangement that we have right now. Gives me a chance to see Grandma and my dad every once in awhile. Plus, I let two of my friends from High School know when I will be in town and we can plan dinner dates with our hubbies and little ones. I love it.

Last night, however, once I got to Taylorville I realized that Andrew would not be home most of the night and thought "Why take Carson home and have no help when I could stay here and have help, company, and then a babysitter right away in the morning?" I stayed at my parent's house. Since I did not plan this trip I had nothing packed. No clothes, no make up, no pajamas.... nada. It is hard for me to stay "on plan" with WW* when stuff like this happens.

*WW is WeightWatchers if you hadn't figured that out yet.

I think I survived OK though. Dad made spaghetti for dinner, I had one beer (all for the good of making milk for the kiddo of course), a cookie, and a cupcake and then said NO MORE. The end result of all of that being this:

Oooooops.

This probably wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have been a snack monster yesterday either.... but I tracked though. That's what matters most!

I also ran to Maurices and Wal Mart to get clothes to wear. I found a couple of really cute shirts on the clearance rack and got a couple of tank tops. Then I went to Wal Mart to buy underwear, a pair of socks, a pair of pants, and a little outfit for Carson. I didn't have to worry about toiletries or make up because that I could steal from my mom. I ended up with this as the final product:

I love the shirt. It's light weight, flow-y, and it's one of my favorite colors. Necklace is compliments of my mom. And no, I cannot take normal selfies. My face always has to be doing something stupid. It's how I roll, bitches. 

I think that stays over there during the week may happen more often. Therefore I think it would be in my best interest to keep an "emergency kit" of stuff that I will need. A spare outfit or two, undies, socks, toiletries, etc.  I don't mind using mom's stuff... but it is hers. Carson would need some extras there too. Just to make things easier. 

I am just really proud of myself for not going completely overboard with everything, being able to get some clothes cheap, and still making it to work on time. I give myself an A+ for the day and it's only a little after 9am. 

Now, we just have to make super good food choices today and get out for a walk because weigh in is tomorrow!! 

I leave you with this amazing meme now. 

You're welcome

Weigh In Results

Ok. I know I had said things had changed and I was going to do Monday weigh ins. Well, after thinking about it I decided to do Saturday weigh ins. Here is why:

1. It still gives me accountability Friday night into Saturday.
2. I am usually not home on Sunday (I stay in Taylorville a lot)
3. On a Monday I don't have time to measure and take progress pictures.

Having my weigh in be on a Saturday means that I can take time to get Carson situated and possibly down for his morning nap, weigh, measure, and take pictures. If I am going to be out of town on a Saturday, I can just weigh on Friday. Plus, if I have a loss on Saturday I am usually really pumped and stay on track for the rest of the weekend. It's a win-win.

With that being said, here are my Saturday weigh in results:
(Remember, I started fresh)

Starting Weight: 250.0
Previous Weight: 249.9
Current Weight: 248.7
Lost/Gained: -1.2
Total Lost: 1.3
Inches Lost: ??

I need to get my measurements uploaded into my tracker sometime this week. I keep forgetting my notebook where I have them written down.

I feel great.
_____________________________________________________
Weekend Recap:

On Saturday I got up early, per Carson's fussing, and got us both dressed. I had intended on going to the Farmer's Market but my date, Cathy, couldn't go this week. I opted for us taking a walk in Washington Park instead! After running to Hy Vee to say hi to mom and buy a few things we needed, I met Cathy at the park. We took a nice walk around while Carson slept in the stroller and then after he woke up we put him a baby swing for his first ever park swing experience.

Obviously, it went well.

After the park we went home to get cleaned up and then mom picked us up so we could spend Saturday night in Taylorville with the family. Andy's birthday was Monday and we were celebrating that night with dinner.

Sunday consisted of lots of chores around the house while great-grandma Dorothy played with the baby. Thanks grandma!
_____________________________________________________
Running:

I had done a post about how I missed running and really want to get back into it. My walk in the park Saturday was an eye opener of "I desperately need new shoes". My Brooks Ghost felt super tight around the tops of my feet and my toes. My feet have changed since having Carson. I asked Andrew if I could go get fitted for shoes and he said yes, as long as I could bargain shop and get a pair for under $100. Challenge accepted. While great-grandma babysat yesterday, we ran to the Springfield Running Center (shop local!) and I got fitted for new shoes. I am still in a neutral shoe which is good but I have gone from and 8.5 to a 9.5! Thanks Carson!

I tried on Brooks Ghost 7 and an Asics Cumulus 16. I love Brooks shoes... but the Asics.... oh the Asics. They were SO comfortable. I even jogged around the store in them.

Love them! I cannot wait to take them out tonight. I hope the weather cooperates! 

How was every one's weekend? 

Things Have Changed

Happy Hump Day!

I'm going to try and not make this post boring and novel like but it might turn out that way. Ha!

Weight Loss Stuffs:

My WI day has changed to Monday. I just need more accountability on the weekends. When I weigh in on Friday it is like Friday, Saturday, and Sunday turn into some kind of crazy, binge eating free-for-all. Then I think I can make up for that Mon-Thurs which is not how this is supposed to work. One cheat meal here and there is OK. Three entire days of it is not.

So, from where I left off last time here is where I am:

Starting Weight: 284.4
Previous Weight: 249.0
Current Weight: 249.9
Lost/Gained: +0.9
Total Lost: -34.5
Inches Lost: Unsure

That's pretty good considering I hadn't weighed in/tracked on WW since March 23rd.

However, I'm getting a fresh start and on WW I reset my weight history and started myself at 250. So it will look more like this:

Starting Weight: 250.0
Previous Weight: N/A
Current Weight: 249.9
Lost/Gained: -0.1
Total Lost: -0.1
Inches Lost: N/A

I am not going to forget that I've lost the 34.5 pounds - but I thought a fresh start, fresh user name (on WW), and fresh numbers would be a good thing for me. We will just all remember how far I have already come. Deal?
______________________________________________

Baby Stuffs:

Carson is doing really well. He has been SUPER crabby though because he and I have been passing a tiny cold back and forth and.... he has TWO teeth coming in! He is 5 months old and in a few short, fast weeks will be 6 months. Goodness! He is already experimenting with some textures and tastes of different foods. I'm not big into the purees because I want to do a more baby led weaning approach. The book is a crazy good read full of some interesting information. So far he loves fruit and broccoli seems to be an easy one for him to play with, hold, and test with his mouth. He never actually "eats" but that is the point of the experimentation process. He is learning different foods and will eventually start to eat them.

That face ♥

The other day we experimented with cake frosting. Then we immediately had a bath.

Stinker

He smelled like a piece of cake!

I think my pumping journey is also going to come to an end. Pumping is so freaking annoying, time consuming, and STRESSFUL. Every day I pump 3-4 times and don't actually make enough for Carson to eat during the day while I am at work. I'm certainly not an overproducer! Carson will eat Gerber Gentle formula - but begrudgingly. I am going to talk to his pediatrician at his 6 month appointment to see what other options there are since he really doesn't like formula. After tasting sweet breastmilk for so long I can see why.

I am still going to breastfeed and nurse at night though. I do not want that journey to come to an end. I just don't want to pump anymore. I think my body will even out better too when it comes time to weaning. Weekends might be a little trickier, but we will work that out. I have pumped today so far but am cutting back to only two times. So, I did it at 10:00 and I will do it again at 3:00. I will do that for the rest of this week and then next week I am going to stop completely. It will be a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders and it will be nice not having my day interrupted so many times.
_________________________________________________

Other Things:
In an attempt to get Andrew and I more organized, I have made a "command center" in our house.

I'm special

I never know his schedule and he never knows mine so this way we can see what we both have going on and then maybe schedule some US time here and there.

I have purchased some hanging paper holders as well for us to store mail and bills that need to be taken care of. Right now the kitchen table collects all that stuff and it drives me insane. I hate clutter.

Anyone else have a family command center? How do you keep track of everyone?

I Miss Running

Running used to be my life. Seriously. I planned every single day around when I would get my run in, how far I would go, and what my pace goal was. There was a time when if I didn't run I felt very sluggish and not myself. What happened to her? 

I cannot blame Carson for this because I stopped running long before he was born. Long before he was even a thought in my mind. The last race I ever did was the Lincoln Presidential Half Marathon here in Springfield, IL. I did it at 240 pounds. 

It was rough, but I did it.

I told Andrew last night that I really want to start running again. I have no excuse not to. I have a jogging stroller. I can put Carson in it, give him a toy and a bottle and just go. Do I? No. I don't. I like to make excuses which is absolutely ridiculous. 

So, my friend Anna wrote a blog post about her May goals and I kind of want to follow her lead. 

My May Goals:

• Track everything. I bought a 3 month WW subscription and I need to use it. No matter how bad my food choices are or how much in the red I go. Track, track, track.
• Get out with Carson for at least 2 walks/jogs. Very obtainable number. 
• Meal prep and plan meals on Sunday

Now that Carson is getting older Andrew is able to soothe him better and be of more help to me on that front. Therefore, when I need to cook/meal prep he is a huge help to me so I can get that done. Plus, I know Andrew enjoys it when I cook healthier meals because he feels better too. 

What are your May goals? 

Friday Weigh In & Other Things

Happy Monday, world! Last week was a little crazy and it definitely showed up on the scale. Lucikly it wasn't horrific.

Starting Weight: 284.4
Previous Weight: 249.0
Current Weight: 249.2
Lost/Gained: +0.2
Total Lost: -35.2
Inches Lost: -3.5

I didn't take my measurements this week either. I am telling you, last week was a blur. However, that gain was expected. We ate out, a lot, I didn't get to walk like I did the previous week, and I just wasn't focused. It does happen from time to time though and I'm trying to do much better this week. Cross my heart.

Well, I have finally decided that I will be brave enough to share progress photos with the world. I'm not embarassed with myself, disappointed, not embarassed. My body is what it is right now. My stomach is completely different than it ever was in my life because I grew, carried, and gave birth to a baby via cesarean. My stomach will never be the same again, but that's OK with me because my body did something amazing. That being said - here we go:

The picture on the left was 4 weeks post partum. The one on the right... was Tuesday 3/17 as you can obvioulsy see. I have gotten smaller. Yay! Even though it's only a 9.1 pound difference, you can see the change in my body so far. I don't think I will do pictures weekly, but possibly monthly or bi-weekly.

Pictures are one of the BEST ways to measure progress. Pictures, measurements, and clothing. Sometimes the scale is a bitch but she isn't always in tune with everything going on with your body. That's why I rely on other means to measure progress sometimes. 

____________________________________________________

I totally ordered this diaper for Carson and am obsessed with it:

BumGenius Louis Print

Now, I didn't get the flip, I got the Freetime. It is so stinking cute! Obviously since both Andrew and I are instrument people this diaper was very fitting. This was definitely a splurge purchase at $35 but I wanted it so badly. Diapers are becoming a serious addiction and I might have to have an intervention.... maybe. I just love the Freetimes, I wish my entire diaper collection was Freetimes (as a reminder, the Freetimes are the All-in-One diapers as mentioned in my post about cloth diapers).

____________________________________________________

I leave you all with a super cute picture of Carson:

In this photo, Heather is holding him and he is flirting with Amelia, Heather and Nick's daughter. Heather says that Carson will be her future son-in-law. Wouldn't that be perfect?! 

How was everyone's weekend? Anyone else have a super crazy week and needing a kick in the butt to get back on track?

Friday Weigh In

We will get right to it:

Starting Weight: 284.4
Previous Weight: 250.0
Current Weight: 249.0
Lost/Gained: -1
Total Lost: -35.4
Inches Lost: -3.5

Another pound gone! I was actually very surprised by this considering I had a couple of really bad "off the wagon" food days. I thank breastfeeding for some of my continued success since I burn so many extra calories from producing milk. However, instead of focusing on that, I want to outline the positive things I DID do that helped towards Friday's weigh in success:

1. I walked Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at least a mile each time
2. I tracked my food even when I didn't want to because I knew how badly I had done
3. I stayed positive and told myself that even though I had a bad moment, the next meal was a chance to get back at it. 
4. I reached out to my Coach for support
5. I reached out to my mom for support

Having people by your side while you lose weight is crucial. Even the other day I was upset about something and felt the need to eat to comfort. I went to the fridge and pulled out my container of strawberries and ate some of those. I was proud of myself for choosing something healthy and when my husband sat down next to me he told me that he was really proud of me for what I have accomplished so far. That means so much to me coming from him. He is someone who doesn't struggle with weight issues (damn skinny man) and when he can see I am working hard and he says things like that it really helps keep the momentum going. I love it. 

Also, I love coaching! Julie is great and talking to her once a week really helps me. 

I love having a detailed action plan every week and love that it is so easy to reach out to my coach. I can do it from the phone app too. WeightWatchers adding this feature was incredibly smart and awesome!

And again, I swear I will start doing progress pictures. 

_____________________________________________

Other Things:

Carson is doing fantastic. He's healthy and for the most part, very happy. We are having some issues right now and I think he's showing signs of teething. I know a lot of people swear it's too soon, but every baby is different and some babies are even born with teeth! His teeth will come in when they are ready. That being said, he is super fussy, has stopped napping well, and bites. Everything. Kid gets mad and CHOMPS anything that you put in his mouth, especially hard stuff. I've been putting his teething toys in the fridge and then giving them to him. He is also a drool machine. Lots and lots of drool. So, I'm just keeping my eye out for any signs of teeth. He goes to the doctor soon for another check up so I will be sure to ask her what's up. 

He feet aren't really that big.... the little soft shoes just make it look that way. Grandma Chris likes to put him in cute outfits while mommy is at work. Makes my heart melt. 

I've fallen off the Dave Ramsey wagon too. I just have this impulse to buy shit we don't need things and can't seem to help myself sometimes. It is like there is this demon in me telling me to hit the "buy now with one-click" button on Amazon. So dangerous. Now, my spending isn't hindering our lives. I'm not over spending or buying anything on credit - I'm just using extra money for shit we don't need things that could have been money used to throw at the remaining debt we have. I just have to refocus and start watching my FPU DVDs again and listening to the Podcast. It seems, like anything else in life, I think I am doing fine without the extra support and can do it on my own. Nope, I can't. I need the constant motivation and reminders. Just like with my weight loss journey. 

Anyone else out there try Financial Peace University or Dave Ramsey's practices? Have you had success? Share your stories!

Why I Love Cloth Diapers

Before Carson was born I did a lot of research on cloth diapering. It was something that I wanted to do but at the same time it terrified me. People kept telling me how much work it was and that I wouldn't like it. Well, here were are at 3 months and I love cloth diapers. Love them. They are fabulous and it is so much cheaper than buying disposable diapers all the time. Plus, it makes me feel good that I am not throwing all those dirty diapers into the trash where they will go sit in a landfill for years, and years, and years, and years.....you get it. 

Now, we did do disposable diapers until Carson was about 10 pounds. I didn't buy or receive any newborn size cloth diapers and that was fine for us. Once he was big enough we made the switch and we have been going strong ever since. When we travel and are staying overnight somewhere I do use disposable diapers just because it is easier for Andrew and I. 

LotusBumz

I don't remember what brand this one is....

Chelory

Charlie Banana

They make it look like Carson has a big butt and it's adorable. Haha. I have a plethora of brands and I'm going to say that my number one favorite cloth diaper is the BumGenius Freetime:

I ordered that color today (hummingbird) as well as one in orange (sassy). These are AIO (All in one) diapers so the inserts are attached and you just fold them over each other and it's ready to go. It is also one size. The snaps on the front adjust to the size you need and they fit up to 35 pounds of kiddo. They have so many fun colors and designs of cloth diapers. It becomes an addiction if you decide to do it. 

If I were to rate them in order of what I like it would be this:

1. BumGenius Freetime (AIO)
2. BumGenius 4.0 (pocket diaper)
3. Sunflowerbaby Pocket Diaper (they are almost identical to BumGenius)
4. Charlie Banana Pocket Diaper
5. LotusBumz (pocket diaper)
6. Another offbeat brand I have but can't think of (pocket diaper)
7. Chelory AIO
8. Homemade

Pocket diapers just have the inserts and you have to pull them out when dirty and then stuff the diaper again when it's clean. That really doesn't bother me at all, but the AIO diapers are so awesome. 

Now, the manufacturer of the diapers give specific instructions on cleaning and care of the diapers. I have done it their way, and my way, and my way works just fine. At first, I was washing them and then hanging them on a laundry rack to dry. This worked pretty quickly but the diapers didn't stay super soft. Wouldn't you want a super soft diaper on your bum? So, one time I tried a small load of diapers in the dryer on a low setting and it worked like a charm and the diapers were super soft when they came out. So, now I wash them on a heavy duty cycle with my dreft detergent and then put them in the dryer on low for 30 minutes, fluff them, and then do another 30 minutes. They come out dry, soft, and ready for use! (Once the pocket diapers are stuffed of course). 

One of the BEST things about cloth diapers is that Carson NEVER has diaper rash. Ever. The only time the kid has gotten a rash is when we were in Taylorville for two days straight and he was in disposables. It was awful. I got him home, put butt paste on him with a cloth diaper and by the next diaper change it was gone. I also love the fact that I don't have to ever run to the store because *gasp* we are out of diapers! Also, I have not had ANY poop explosions up the back or awful leaks with cloth. They are crazy absorbent and keep the poop and pee where it belongs. With disposable I have had some messes..... 

I did some math to show my husband how much money cloth saves us. I like Pampers so that is what I am using in my math:

27 diapers would MAYBE last us a week, (Carson poops a lot! He is breastfed after all)

Pack of 27 diapers x $11.99 x 52 weeks in a year = $623.48

$623.48 x 2 years = $1,246.96

I have 23 cloth diapers that I purchased. (Well, 6 were given as a gift. Thanks, Heather!!!!)

4 of them were $10.00 = $40.00

5 of them (as a set) were $50.00 = $50.00

6 of them (as a set) were $100.00 = $100.00 (gift from Heather)

4 of them were $13.00 =  $52.00

1 was $20.00 = $20.00

I bought 3 today, 2 Freetimes and 1 Charlie Banana Swim Diaper = $52.00

Homemade ones didn't cost me anything. 

Total: $314.00

The cost for me to do laundry? Minimal. I buy laundry detergent maybe once every 2 months if that and I use that to wash his clothes too. So I'm not buying anything special. 

So, for $314.00 I have over 20 (purchased) diapers to last me until he is 35 pounds (or until potty trained). 

I have close to 40 diapers with the homemade ones.

Cloth diapers worth it as an initial investment? Yes, yes, YES. See, the husband scoffs when I say I bought 3 diapers for $52 dollars. What he forgets to realize is that those three diapers will last him until he is potty trained. Seriously, it takes a lot to destroy a cloth diaper. The 5 I got for $50 were already used. I bought them off a buy/sell/trade Facebook site and they were like new when I got them. 

My next plan is to switch to cloth wipes so I can save money there as well and not have all the waste of disposable ones unless I am out and about. Basically what I plan on doing is using Cassie's idea and get baby washcloths, make my own "soak" for them, and have them in a diaper wipe warmer. They'll get washed the same time as the diapers so it isn't any extra hassle.  

So there you have it! That is why I love cloth diapers. It was definitely a learning curve and a trial and error process but now that we know how it works we LOVE it. 

The next challenge? Solid poops after we introduce food at 6 months.... 

Do any of you cloth diaper? Did you consider? What made you not commit to it? 

Friday Weigh In & Goals

Good morning, blog world!It's Monday... it's the Monday after DST. Joy? I'm glad it will stay lighter in the evenings now, but goodness that first morning feels so strange. Even Carson was confused and didn't wake up when he normally does. It was kind of nice though because I was able to get ready for work and he was still zonked!
________________________________________________
Friday Weigh In:

I am so, so, so, SO excited because mom is doing WW with me again. When we do it together it is so much fun and we are both very successful because we have each other to lean on. Plus, with the personal coaching (which I actually look forward to now) I think I'll be able to handle this with ease.

Starting Weight: 284.4 
Previous Weight: 251.6
Current Weight: 250.0
Lost/Gained: -1.6
Total Lost: -34.4

Almost 35 pounds gone! Yay! I lost and I'm thrilled! I am also thrilled that the weather is going to be super nice this week and I can go for walks. Mom bought Carson and I a jogging stroller too! I'm excited to pick it up and start using it. Gotta get those steps logged on my FitBit!

I still haven't taken any pictures for progress and I plan on doing that sometime this week. Maybe this afternoon or tomorrow. I am trying to figure out what I want to wear in them. I'm thinking a tank top and shorts.... if I'm brave enough I'll do a swimming suit. Maybe....

The action plan I made with my coach this week was:

• To weigh in at my meeting
• To walk at least 2 days and at least 1.5 miles
• To try something new foodwise

I'm getting red beets in my Farmbox this week and I've never had fresh red beets before. Therefore, that is my something new. And since I will have a lovely jogging stroller, Carson and I (and mom) can go for walks after I get off of work since the weather is going to be gorgeous. (In the Midwest anything above 40º is gorgeous)
__________________________________________________
Goals:

I am part of a group on Facebook and today's photo of the day was "Goal". I found this picture from my honeymoon in 2011.

Don't I look nice with my spray tan next to my pale husband? :)

At that point in my life I was hovering between 162-165. In my mind I had a vanity goal weight of 150 but looking back (as it always happens) I now realize that 160-165 was really a nice weight on me. I was active, I was in a size 10 or M, and I was HAPPY. In the back of my mind I still thought I was fat. Oh how wrong I was. I would love to get back to that point and know that the reason I got there in the first place is because I lived an active lifestyle as well as eating right. So, getting back into activity is going to be huge for me. I want to run again. I miss it so very much. The best way to get back to it? Start walking. 

What is your favorite activity? How do you make sure to do it daily?

Where Did 3 Months Go?

Carson turned three months yesterday! GAH!

I'm just dumbfounded that three months have gone by already. Yes, I know, time flies when you have kids! Just let me marvel in the fact that my life the last three months has been a whirlwind! (A happy one!)

Carson's favorite things right now are:

• Not wearing any clothes
• Blowing bubbles
• Drooling
• Chewing on his burp rag
• Grabbing a hold of your hands and sucking on them
• Trying to suck your face (when hungry)
• Eating
• Pooping/Farting
• Watching mommy & daddy do things around the house
• Chatting
• Grinning

I love him to pieces. Words cannot begin to describe the love I feel for Carson and the overprotective-ness I have for him. He's my world. 

We had Carson baptized on Sunday and he did wonderfully! He jumped a little bit when Pastor Traxell got him with the water the first time but after that he went right back to sleep. So proud of my little guy. We then had some fabulous food catered AND delivered from Hy Vee and had a nice luncheon that was loads of fun. My house is super small, but it is wonderful when it is full of family celebrating something wonderful! 

I'm already planning Easter since it is the next thing coming up. Carson is going to have the most amazing memories in our little house. Just like I have amazing memories from growing up in our tiny houses! He'll hunt eggs (next year), get a basket full of goodies, go to church, and then come back home for food and fun with his family! Can't wait! I think that will be one of my most favorite parts about being a parent. I want my children to have the same love of holidays that I have because regardless of gifts and candy, it is spent at home with loved ones and that is what's most important. (Good food helps too....) 

____________________________________________________

Last Week's Weigh In:

I didn't post last week because I wasn't able to on Friday. Friday ended up being a stay at home and do laundry day because Carson had a pukey day. Kid gets so active he shakes himself up and then pukes. 

Anyway, here are the results of last week, 2/27/2015:

Previous Weight: 256.4

Current Weight: 251.6

Lost/Gained: -4.8

Total Lost: -32.8

A 4.8 pound loss is fabulous for one week! I really, really like the personal coaching. Knowing that I have an action plan and that my coach is going to call me weekly to check in really helps keep me focused. I talked to her on Tuesday since I missed her Sunday call but she was very happy for me and we made a quick action plan because I'll be talking to her again so soon after tomorrow's weigh in. I am going to try and update more regularly. Promise. 

I need to start taking progress pictures too. I keep saying I'm going to but don't. I did start taking my measurements though. That will definitely help show progress. 

______________________________________________________

Other Things:

Not much else to update. I'm still receiving my Farmbox and loving all the delicious produce that comes in it. This week I got the cutest little plums and cannot wait to try them! I devoured everything in my last box. The other day mom and I ate the acorn squash that we were sent. I stuffed it with beans, quinoa, mushrooms, and cilantro. It was amazing! I'm going to probably add how many boxes I get a month because being vegetarian means I eat tons and tons of produce. In fact, today I have already had an orange, a banana, blueberries, and a grapefruit and it's only 11:45. 

Oh, and Andrew and I are still following Dave Ramsey and the only debt left is school loans. We have worked hard, budgeted and paid off everything else! We own both cars! Such a freeing feeling to not have car payments anymore. Andrew and I are a great team when it comes to budgeting and we help each other to stick to the plan. I love Dave Ramsey's common sense approach and it has helped up tremendously! 

Back on the Wagon

Ok, so now that I'm back at work, can blog a little more regularly now, and things are getting more into a routine in my life, I signed back up for WeightWatchers! I was so excited to do this because everyone knows I love WW and have had HUGE success with it so it made sense to do it again.

Now, I signed up for online only access back when Carson was born but recently (Saturday) changed my subscription to Total Access which provides me with a personal coach. I picked a gal from Iowa because it's my home state! I figured living in the midwest we could each bitch about the sucky ass weather.

I had my first call with my coach, Julie, on Monday and it was a great phone call and actually very motivating. You get an Action Plan every week to tackle obstacles that might derail you and things you want to try to work on. For me, it was adding in some kind of activity now that Carson can entertain himself more and making smart choices while I'm on a party bus this Saturday for a birthday party!

Here's what the Dashboard looks like on the website:

My next session with my coach will be Sunday afternoon. I weigh in on Saturday and it will also be the day after the party so I will be able to reflect on the week and make a plan for the following week.

So far, I'm liking the coaching!
*side note
It IS pricy. For Total Access (meetings, online tools, and coaching sessions) it is $69.95/month. So if you aren't serious about it, don't sign up for it.
*end note

Here has been my weight changes so far since being on WW since 12/4/2014:
*please note that my giant weight losses are from getting a baby removed from my belly. :)
Also, I am not ashamed of sharing my weight. Yes, I'm over 250 pounds. That number does not define me. I have run THREE HALF MARATHONS. One of them I was 240 pounds. I have run more 5K races than I can count. That number does.not.define.me. 
Therefore, I will share my weight, my progress and one day when I'm back to 165 I will jump with joy and all of you can celebrate with me!

Date:	Weight:	Difference:	Total Lost:	Notes:
12/4/2014	284.4	0	0	Baby was born! (highest adult weight EVER)
12/6/2014	276.3	-8.1	-8.1
12/13/2014	260.8	-15.5	-23.6	See, baby gone, lots of weight gone
12/20/2014	256.4	-4.4	-28
12/27/2014	257.5	+1.1	-26.9	Whoops, stupid Christmas
1/3/2015	258.1	+0.6	-26.3
1/10/2015	259	+0.9	-25.4
1/17/2015	260.1	+1.1	-24.3	Going the wrong way…
1/24/2015	257.1	-3	-27.3	Better….
1/31/2015	256.3	-0.8	-28.1
2/7/2015	254.6	-1.7	-29.8
2/14/2015	254.6	0	-29.8
2/21/2015	256.4	+1.8	28	This was my wake up point – time for coaching!
2/28/2015

I peeked at the scale this morning and was SUPER happy with what I saw. It will definitely keep my momentum going for the rest of the week. I have already planned and tracked breakfast, lunch, and snacks for today and dinner will be a veggie stir fry. I just don't know if I want rice or quinoa with it. 

Being Vegetarian is still going very well and I still feel fantastic. Here are some of the yummy things I've been eating:

Strawberry Salad from Amberjack with no chicken

Grits with a little butter and hot sauce (favorite breakfast right now)

Spinach and tofu soup with a side of roasted potatoes

Vegetable Stir Fry with brown rice

I am seriously loving all the fun food combinations and meals I've been creating. 

Until the Farmer's Market starts back up in Springfield I signed up for Farmbox Direct. I signed up for the small fruits/veggies box. It delivers fresh organic produce to your door! Again, may seem kind of pricey to some, but I'm not eating meat and get my protein from vegetables so I need lots of them. I got my first box last week and everything in it has been amazing. That stir fry picture has a lot of the veggies from the box. I have set it up so that I only get a box a month due to cost reasons. I will probably switch to a fruit only box once the farmer's market in town starts. Plus, I plan on having an epic garden this year.