Things I Need to Better Understand

I read Beth's Blog post today and it hit so close to home with me that I've taken a moment to really self evaluate my own relationship with food.

People (like my husband) never really understand why "fat people" can't just stop eating so much and lose weight. Well, it isn't that easy folks. If you have never struggled with your weight and a food relationship then kudos to you. There are some of us though that will have this internal battle with food for the rest of our lives. I obviously stopped fighting that battle after I got married because I gained all of my weight back and then some. It is my fault, I know this. I know what I did wrong. I know everything that led to this point and I am not blaming someone else or something else. It was ME. That being said, only I can fix it. Yes, I've been back to WeightWatchers and I've had the same yo-yo weight loss/weight gain that usually happens until I am 100% committed to losing it. BeBe posted this blog entry, that again, hit really close to home and got me thinking. I WANT to lose the weight and be back where I was, but I am not COMMITTED to doing it yet. I loosely follow the program and exercise when I feel like it (which isn't a lot) and I'm seeing those exact results displayed on the scale every Sunday when I go to weigh in. For example:

Sunday Weigh In Results:
Weigh In: +1
Total Lost: 2.8
Pounds to Lose: 100.4

I gained a pound. I knew I would. I only exercised once and I kind of tracked my food. This week hasn't started out much better but today is a new day and Andrew and I finally went to the store and stocked up on good healthy foods. I am lost without produce. I cannot stress that enough. I love fruits and vegetables and when I run out I get so obnoxious with what I eat. It is really depressing.

I guess I need to really sit down and re-evaluate my goals and figure out why I am not committed as I should be. Maybe I need to revamp my big picture goals and focus on the little things more often. All I can think about is fitting back into my size 10 Express Jeans and all of my cute Medium shirts in my closet.
Taken at a friends 80's themed wedding reception. What I'd give to be that thin again. :)))

That is a good long term goal to have, but right now.... it seems daunting. So, here are my much smaller, more easily to be attainable faster goals:

• Hit 5 pounds lost in October - to reach this goal I only have to lose 2.2 pounds in the next 3 weeks.
• Walk/Run my 10K on October 20 - I was honestly contemplating NOT doing it because I'm nervous about how badly I'll do. Me, the girl who has done multiple Half Marathons is afraid of a 10K 
• Hit my 10% Weight Loss Milestone with Weight Watchers before January 1, 2014 - That gives me the rest of this month and 2 more months to lose what I have to in order to hit that goal
• Exercise at least 3 days a week 
• Walk/Run my 5K in November without worrying about pace - Just have FUN! 

I think those are a good start. I need to read those every day and keep my chin up!