I don't want to count points.
I don't want to have to worry about every miniscule piece of food I put in my mouth.
I don't want to look at food and gain weight.
I don't want to smell food and gain weight.
I don't want to live my whole life wondering if I'll ever be thin again.
I don't want to not know what I want in life.
I don't want to have kids.
I don't want to not have kids.
I don't want to worry about how others see me.
I don't want to be treated like a fat person. Yes, we do get treated differently than thin people.
I took a picture of my jeans that I used to wear all of the time in 2010 - 2011. And then I took a picture of the pair of jeans I wear now.
I hate it. I don't want to wear the big jeans anymore. I want to wear my stylish, super flattering size 10 jeans from Express.
What do I want?
I want to eat clean, healthy foods while still following a pescetarian lifestyle. I've felt so good lately.
I want to not worry about everything I eat causing me some kind of depression or downward spiral.
I want to enjoy food, not have it control me.
I want to figure out what my passions are and hopefully going back to UIS will help me in that endeavor.
I want to decide if I do want kids or not. I'm just so torn.
I want to be treated like the smart, personable, funny, talented person that I am without my weight being an issue.
I want to run faster.
I want to run farther.
I want to wear ridiculous high heels and not have my feet hurt as much as they do if I wear them now.
I want to be able to shop like I used to. I just grabbed a M or size 10 and was good to go. No thought, no dressing room.
I want to walk proud, stand tall, have the confidence I know that is in me.
My weight and my size control all of these things. They really do. It may seem silly to some, but it really is the truth. When I was thinner I was happier, more confident, took more chances, had more fun, went out more.... I was a brighter version of myself. Right now I'm dimmed. I am a dim light ready to be burnt out and I need to replace that bulb so it shines bright once more.
Preach Sister. My weight is just creeping back up and I think of where I was like two years ago, and I was like 17 pounds thinner, and thought I was huge. I looked SO GOOD. I was about 15 pounds from goal weight and I literally threw it all away. I need to stop being mad about what I let myself do and be mad about where I am now, and just move on.
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