Weeks 5 & 6

Holy crapload of bloat, Batman. I had to do a google search this morning to make sure it was normal to already look pregnant this early in a pregnancy and it said yes. Now, a lot of it is probably bloat BUT my stomach muscles are also stretching to make room for my expanding uterus. Also, every woman is different. Just because I'm showing this early doesn't mean that everyone does. I just noticed when I put on my pants this morning they were super uncomfortable and I had to pull out the belly band already. Gah.
I will also make it known that I haven't gained any weight. In fact, I've lost due to food aversions and no appetite but I'm feeling bigger. It is so weird.
(plus, please keep in mind that I am bigger to begin with. Therefore, when my belly expands it is pushing the belly I already have out.)

Preggo belly! 

My boobs are still really uncomfortable so I'm glad I ordered a bra from Avon in a bigger size. Plus, it won't have under wire so it shouldn't hurt me as bad. 

Feelings: Sore boobs, nauseous in the afternoon/evening, heartburn, fatigue, bloat, bloat, did I mention bloat?

I am super thankful that I am not one of those "I have to eat something before I even get out of bed." morning sickness people. My sickness hits in the afternoon when I start to get tired (2:00 or 3:00) and then lasts until I go to bed at night. The only thing that seems to help make this go away is eating small amounts of food every hour or so. I try to get some kind of fruit or veggie in there... but sometimes it doesn't sound good at all. I'm really craving grapefruit though. OMG.... I cannot get enough grapefruit. Last night at the store I bought a 10 pound bag of them. Om nom nom. (I'm even eating some grapefruit right now.)

Even with my weird food cravings I am glad I haven't gained any weight. I know that will happen in the second and third trimester and I'm going to do my best to keep that under 20 pounds! 

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In Other News:

We were in West Des Moines, IA this weekend because I was going to Sydney's baby shower! She is due this month and she looks absolutely amazing! I'm so excited for her and cannot wait to see her little baby boy! 

I finished the blanket that I had started for her and it is a miracle that I got it done before the baby was born. I am notorious for not finishing blankets until the baby is like 3 or 4 months old. I'm very proud of myself!

Don't mind the hideous hotel carpeting.....

Love the edging on this one. 

I also made Andrew take me to Michaels while we were up there and picked out some yarn to make a baby blanket that I get to keep!!

Yeah, I don't care if it is a girl or a boy. It's getting a wild and beautiful multi-colored blanket. 

I love how soft baby yarn is. Making them is so much fun too. I got really far with this new one because we were in the car for over 6 hours yesterday but I didn't take a picture. I will soon to show you all what it looks like. I love it so far. Andrew thinks it is cute too. 

Oh! I'm also super proud of my husband because he has been applying to Pharmacy jobs already even though he hasn't gotten his certification yet and he is already getting interviews! I really hope that he finds something he likes and can get started. The hands on experience will really help him! (Even though he doesn't need it because he's getting over 100% in the class). I love him so much and am so, so proud. 

That's really all the updating I have for today. I hope you all had a fabulous weekend! 

I crave.... CHEESE

I think it is the weirdest thing that all I want right now is cheese, along with my carbs of course. String cheese, melted cheese on bread, grilled cheese.... I have to be careful though because too much cheese can constipate me! Although I hear that can be a problem with pregnancy anyway.... Meh. I sure hope this kid isn't lactose intolerant like their daddy....

I'm trying out some chicken noodle soup right now. The broth is magical. I'm also freezing so it helps to warm me up. Here is what I had planned for today:
(psst, I'm putting the pescatarian life on hold right now because if I can eat meat and not throw up and it is all I am hungry for, then I'm going to eat it) I'll focus more on healthy eating once I'm feeling better.

Today's Menu:
B: Melted cheese on bread, Sierra Mist (not diet)
S: Saltines and Tums.... yeah... tums...
L: Chicken noodle soup, string cheese, water
S: Plain white rice or string cheese
D: ... probably rice, noodles or grilled cheese

I also have another Sierra Mist and some fat free milk. I really crave dairy late at night. Not cheese this time, HA! I crave ice cream or ice cold skim milk. We don't currently have any milk at home because we've been gone so much and haven't been to the store so I stopped by the gas station this morning for Sierra Mist, milk, and the soup I'm currently enjoying.

I am really focusing on cutting out caffeine. I know I can have up to 200mg a day and be OK, but I drank a small 7.5 oz Coke Zero the other day and immediately regretted it. I am also eliminating diet soda due to the artificial sweeteners but for a pick me up I'm doing full sugar caffeine free sodas. Plus, they hit the spot. I'll probably cut more soda out later on in the pregnancy but right now it sits well and makes me happy. Just like cheese.

I go the dentist next Thursday because I'm having horrible pain in one of my teeth on the top right side. Usually happens when I bite down on food the wrong way (crunchy or soft) so I'm sure I have yet another cavity which pisses me off because I take such good care of my teeth! It runs in my family though... *sigh* Luckily for me though I get out of the X-Ray processes. I hate that part.

I don't have much else to update at the moment. I'm going to be working on looking for a new place to live soon which is super exciting! No more apartments... no matter how much I love the stress free maintenance part of it.....

We're Pregnant!

There you have it folks. There will be a little Andrew/Becky monster running around in November 2014! My due date is actually November 28, 2014 which is Black Friday. Fun huh? I know babies are barely ever on time so I'm planning for either November or the very beginning of December. 

A lot of people like to wait until at least 8-12 weeks before they tell people, but I decided to do it now because I feel like shit and I want people to know there's a reason behind it instead of going "Maybe you're pregnant!" Yes, yes I am. I know that at this stage a miscarriage is still possible but with my family history I don't think that is going to happen. The women in my immediate family come from good stock and producing babies is what they do best. Both sides of the family. Haha!

I went to the doctor yesterday and she said I was looking great and all my stats were good. Nothing to worry about. She referred me to an OB and I will go see her at 8 weeks which is April 18. It is my first prenatal exam and probably first ultrasound! I also asked my doctor about my current weight and the fact that it says it is normal to gain about 25-30 pounds during pregnancy and that freaks me out. I don't WANT to gain 25-30 pounds.... she told me that it would be OK if I didn't gain that much being the size that I am but she isn't worried about any complications if I did because I am healthy (minus the overweight thing). 

Now, the backstory to this is that Andrew and I wanted me to go off the pill at the beginning of the year. I chickened out and kept taking it. I told Andrew I needed another month or two. He said OK. So, I continued to take it and stopped my last pack of birth control on February 27. Yeah. I think Andrew looked at me and got me pregnant. Anyway.... it was immediate and all I can say is that I'm blessed beyond a doubt. A lot of women try and try and try and can't get pregnant easily and here I am coming right off the pill and BOOM. Baby. So, I am very thankful for this little miracle....scared shitless.... but thankful. 

Symptoms I've been feeling: 

• Fatigue times infinity - I could sleep 24/7
• Bloating. GOO. I already look 4 months pregnant because of bloat!
• Heartburn. Tums are my friend
• Nausea/Vomiting - while at work. Super fun, guys. Super fun.

I am eating bland. As bland as I possibly can manage. Crackers, white rice, plain pasta, plain bagels, string cheese, milk, low fat ice cream or frozen yogurt, etc. Yesterday I tried to eat some veggies and trail mix and threw up about an hour later. I hate to not eat veggies.... but if my body says no.... then no it is. I know it'll get better after the first trimester though. At least that's what people keep telling me.... I think they lie. 

Anyway, my husband is super scared and nervous but happy. Totally expected. I'm very, well, I don't know. Excited, overwhelmed, sickly, hot, cold, hot, cold, hungry, pukey, happy, scared.... a million things rolled into one. Mostly happy though and extremely curious as to how my body is going to change! 

And before I end this post, I will do one of my old blog favorites!

Today's Menu:

B: Plain Bagel

S: String Cheese, Saltines

L: Plain White Rice

S: More Saltines or String Cheese

D: Plain noodles or white rice

Treat: Nonfat milk or low fat ice cream... mmmmm

Carbs, carbs and more carbs! WOO! 

Back to the Grind

We are back from our St. Louis trip. It was really nice, we got to see two NCAA Tournament games and enjoy St. Louis with decent enough weather. It was absolutely gorgeous on Friday. We went to the Galleria Mall on Friday morning and oh-my-goodness it was marvelous. I really wanted to go to Sephora and that was a treat. I got color matched for some new foundation, stocked up on some things I was out of and felt pampered the rest of the day. I love make up and skin care products. Andrew didn't enjoy Sephora so much but he was a good sport about it. We also visited a Barnes & Noble and an Old Navy. Just a little shopping trip before the evening games.

Saturday was an absolute lazy day and I loved it. We went out for lunch and then went back to the hotel to nap and relax. We had plans to meet Andrew's parents for dinner at The Cheesecake Factor around 5:30. Well, we didn't get seated until after 7:30! They are lucky the food was delicious because otherwise I would've been very upset about the wait! We had a nice dinner though and after that went back to the hotel for more rest and relaxation.
Andrew still had two games to see on Sunday with his dad so I had my parents come and pick me up from the hotel and take me back to their house until Andrew came to get me. It is nice because since my parents are in Taylorville, it is on the way. Plus, they are only about an hour and 10 minutes from St. Louis so their drive wasn't bad at all! I gave them some gas money, had lunch with them, napped, had dinner and then Andrew came around 6:30 to take me and the dogs home.

It really was a wonderful weekend, but it was nice to sleep in my own bed and be back home. We have one more trip to take this weekend and then we are done traveling for awhile! My bank account can't handle any more hotel stays. Ha!

Kentucky Wildcats being entertaining!

GIANT BANANA

My chopped salad from the restaurant in the hotel. I ate almost every.last.bite. So good!

A view from our seats at the tournament. 

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Besides our weekend adventure not too much is happening. Andrew isn't quite done with his pharmacy tech program but is getting calls for jobs already! I'm very excited for him! The hospital is interested in him and I think that would be a wonderful place for him to work. He kind of has an 'in' there anyway because his dad's friend knows the head of pharmacy at the hospital and put in a good word for Andrew. I'm very proud of my husband for going back to school for this. I know he will truly enjoy it. He has a Bachelor's Degree that he has never used. I think going back to school has made him realize that there are other things out there that he would like to do! Just because you have one degree doesn't mean you can't have more! (I'm proof of that!)

I don't have much else to update at the moment folks. Just getting back into the groove of things after having four days off... just to be gone again this weekend! Haha.

Happy Monday!

The Mean Green

I love the Mean Green Juice. I really, REALLY do. It is pretty much the only one I drink anymore because I love the taste and the health benefits of it. Because I love you all so much and paid the crazy amount for the app I am going to share this one recipe with you. Mmmmk?

Joe's Mean Green

Ingredients:

4 Ribs Celery

1 Cucumber

1 inch Ginger

2 Green Apples

8 Leaves Kale (Tuscan Cabbage)

1/2 Lemon

Directions:

Wash all ingredients

Peel lemon and ginger

Juice & enjoy! 

No wonder this is Joe's favorite juice, it contains some of the most nutritious fruits and vegetables on the planet. It's simple, satisfying, and it was what got Joe through his 60 Day Reboot. It is a great juice for boosting your immune system and keeping your whole body clean, healthy, and happy. Are you someone who needs their caffeine? The cucumbers in this juice are a good source of B vitamins that help pump up your energy. Put down those caffeinated drinks and consume more cucumbers!

May Help With:

• Auto Immune Conditions
• Cancer
• Diabetes
• GI
• Gallbladder
• Heart Disease
• High Cholesterol
• Immunity
• Liver
• Memory
• Migraines
• Osteoporosis
• Vision
• Weight Loss/Obesity

So there you have it. Some of the many reasons why this juice is amaze-balls. 

Oh, and FYI, I do not have a fancy-schmancy juicer. In fact, I don't have a juicer at all. The one I am using belongs to my mother. It is a GE and she got it at Wal Mart for around $40. It may not be the best juicer on the market, but it works wonderfully. I have asked for gift cards for my birthday (in June) to buy a Breville for myself so mom can have hers back. I just like the reviews on the Breville and since I don't want to pay $429.99 for a masticating Kurvings Whole Juicer, no matter how amazing it is, I will pay $150 for a Breville. Hopefully less though if I get gift cards. My point being, you don't have to have a fancy juicer to juice. It is all about personal preference, budget, and what you are willing to invest in your health. (I've already proven how cheap produce is for juicing.) 

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Prep for our Trip:

Last night Andrew and I had quite the adventure. Well, since we never do much during the week is was an adventure for us. We are leaving for St. Louis tomorrow and will be there until Sunday afternoon. Since we are basically living off of my income since he's in school, we were trying to figure out how to make all of these trips we have as cheap as possible. Last night we went to good 'ol Wally World to get a cooler (because we didn't own one of our own) and plan our meals/snacks that can be had at the hotel. I bought ingredients to make enough mean greens for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning. I will just load those up in Mason jars tonight and have them ready to go. Then we got things like OJ for Andrew, crunchy snacks, some dark chocolate squares, bananas, doughnuts for Andrew (he loves his carbs), carrot sticks, diet soda, and of course.... a bottle of wine for moi! This way we will probably only have to buy lunches and maybe one dinner since his parents want to take us out on Saturday night. We should get by on this trip very cheaply and I'm happy about that! 

We also went to Andrew's aunt and uncle's house last night to see their new kitten! Her name is Caroline and they adopted her from the APL and she is adorable. The call her a blue tabby. Basically she is gray with the black tabby stripes. She was precious and she slept on my lap for a bit. Kittens are adorable... unless they're in crazy mode. Ha!

From there we went home and I had to head right to bed after my shower because Walter had to be at PetsMart for his grooming at 7:00am which means I had to leave the apartment by 6:45. Goo. 

Anyway, it was an eventful evening and I'm excited to get some time away with Andrew. If you're watching the NCAA tournament and happen to catch any of the games in St. Louis; watch for me! I might pick my nose or something the minute the camera pans by my section. Or scratch my boob. Something totally flattering and not embarrassing at all!

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Well folks, this will probably be my last blog for the week since I'll be gone! I'll be sure to post on Monday with lots of pictures and adventures of our time in St. Louis! 

Where did Monday go?

Seriously. Yesterday was a blur. This is a short week for me because I only work today and then until 1:00 tomorrow and then starts my little mini vacation to St. Louis with my husband and my in-laws. I'm perfectly OK with the days going by quickly up until tomorrow at 1:00. Then time can slow down a bit so I can relax and enjoy my getaway. Andrew and I will once again be staying at the Hyatt Regency by the Arch because Hotwire loves to put us there. I don't mind though, it is a wonderful hotel.
The reason we are going to St. Louis is because my father-in-law purchased sets of tickets to the NCAA tournament. Now, I'm not a basketball fan.... at all... like, really... I don't like it. However, live events are always better than watching stuff on TV so I'm sure I'll have a good time. I think Andrew and I are going to a Friday game. I wish I could see Wisconsin play....
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Foodie Food & Exercise:
What is this exercise word I hear all of the time? I should look into that. I have been kind of frumpy and tired the last week. I had my emotional break down in Linda's office at my last session and ever since then I've been allowing myself to feel frumpy, do what I want, and eat what I want. You want to know the funny thing? I haven't gained weight. I haven't lost, but I haven't gained. I'm hanging out right where I left off and it amazes me. I have that mental block of having to weigh and portion everything I eat and then I feel like I'm somehow depriving myself. (I know it seems weird but it is how my brain works, ok?) So, when I follow a plan 100% and measure and track and count and all that stuff.... I get too stressed out, feel like I'm not getting enough food, and I go on a crazy binge. This last week I ate when I was hungry, stopped when I was full, and had a treat if I felt the need to (in the form of gummy bears). Eventually I want to get back to a plan of some sort to lose more weight, but right now I'm feeling pretty confident because I know what to do to maintain and be happy. THAT is one of the hardest parts of losing weight and keeping it off. The what if. What if I get to goal and can't keep it? What if I'm never happy or satisfied because I'm always dieting? I've just shown myself that it isn't like that at all. I can be happy, satisfied, and still have the treats I want and maintain my weight. Now I just have to find that fire to get my ass back in gear to lose.

I am probably not doing my half marathon on April 6. I am not ready at all. But then again I keep telling myself that I did it last year, at a heavier weight, and I finished. I didn't train for that either. I also know in my head if I thought I couldn't finish I could always take my bib off, call Andrew, find somewhere to hang out and he'd come and get me. I'm going back and forth on what to do and hopefully I'll figure it out soon. The weather is getting so much nicer now and the idea of going out to walk/run is actually exciting again.

Today's Menu: (food is weird right now since we're going out of town)
B: Mean Green Juice, tortilla with cheese, coffee with thin mint creamer (omg, didn't know they made this)
S: Jalapeno cheese sticks
L: Lasagna, banana, Chobani Flip
S: Goldfish crackers
D: TBD

I think I am going to grill up a steak for Andrew and I will have tofu with whole wheat cous cous, broccoli and a mean green juice.

I found that it is easier for me to shop a couple of times a week for the juicing ingredients I want/need instead of trying to do a bulk trip. Since I live so close to so many grocery stores this is an easy thing for me to do. Last night I bought enough produce to make enough mean greens to last me until Thursday morning. I'd love to make up some more to take with me on our mini trip, but I don't have a cooler.... and I don't know if I want to run out and buy one.... it'd be nice to have....
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I don't have much else to update. I've been slacking on the blog and the picture taking but hope once I get fully out of my funk that I will get back into the groove of things again!

Yay Friday!

Yesterday was kind of a serious/downer post. So, today I will try and keep it a little more upbeat today. Andrew and I had Chamber Orchestra at the college last night and it was interesting but fun! A lot of people weren't there and even Dr. Stamatis was out sick so we had the other music professor come in and conduct for the evening and I think it actually went really well. She added a really neat perspective on the piece we're playing and it was interesting to have another point of view. After orchestra we basically got home and collapsed. It's been a long physically and emotionally tiring week!
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Health, Food, & Stuff:
I've been doing this thing where I'm not counting points, I'm not counting calories, and I'm not stressing over things. I am keeping a food log but only to write down what it is that I'm eating with no numbers attached to it. Guess what? I got on the scale this morning and I've basically maintained from my last weigh in. I was pleased to see that because it is nice to know the stress of being perfect with my food journals is really holding me back. Now, all I have to do is be smarter about portion control and what I decide to splurge on and I guarantee I'll lose weight fairly easily. My brain just needs a break for awhile.

Today's Menu:
B: Giant Mean Green Juice & hot lemon water

That mason jar was filled to the very top. Such a refreshing juice and great way to start the day!

S: Jalapeno String Cheese, banana

L: Sushi, dark chocolate

S: Pretzels

D: TBD

Since we are leaving for Taylorville tonight I don't know what dinner will consist of. I haven't gotten that far. Haha. 

The weather is getting much nicer now and I'm very excited about it. It means I can get outside to walk/jog more and not dread it so much. Today is supposed to be 61º and the same for tomorrow. It's going to cool off a bit Sunday, but then the start of the week will get nice again. Love it! 

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Random Other Things:

Walter was an asshole last night. He woke up at 2:30am and just barked so loud. Of course at that time of the night/morning everything seems louder than usual. Then, while I was trying to figure out what he was barking at, he had pooped TWICE and had started to eat one pile of it. Puppies.... right? He got a good scolding and cold shoulder from me that sent him scampering back into bed and I didn't hear another peep out of him the rest of the night. However, I couldn't fall back asleep until almost 4:00 because by that time I was mostly awake and my brain had started to turn on. *sigh*

The baby blanket I am making is coming along very nicely!

The other night I sat on the couch crocheting and drinking my hot lemon water. I got quite a bit done! I cannot wait to start the edging because it'll be so pretty!

I got my March Birchbox yesterday too!

I got perfume, lip gloss, face exfoliator, serum+primer, chocolate square and green tea mints. I'm happy with everything I got. Especially that piece of chocolate. OMG, so good. I used the exfoliating face scrub last night and I thought it was going to rip my skin off. However, after I rinsed my face was so incredibly soft. You are only supposed to use it 3 to 5 times a week and I see why. It is crazy powerful. This morning I used the serum and I'm pretty pleased with that too. I might have to get me some of that once I run out of my other primer. The mints are good, don't know if I'd buy them though, and the perfume smells AMAZING. Too bad it's over $100 a bottle. The lip gloss is something I've actually had before. It's got a beautiful color, but it's too sticky for my liking.

Nothing else to update folks! Hopefully the day goes by quickly so that I can go and enjoy some quality time with my husband and my family.

Happy Friday!!

What Being a Fat Woman is Really Like

I read a blog post this morning off of my blog roll and I wanted to follow suit with this. Yesterday I met with Linda and basically cried the entire session. I got two wonderful things from that session: 1) that it is OK for me to be angry and upset and feel the feelings I do towards myself and 2) once I feel those things I need to focus that anger and energy on something that will help better myself. Normally if I have a day like that where I have a pity party, cry, and get angry; I usually think I'm horrible for thinking that way and that it isn't warranted. But you know what? It is. I am feeling these things and unless I ride it out I will never get better. I will never face my fears and I will never get this God forsaken weight off.
Now I am going to answer these questions and if you read others as well, you'll find a lot of similarities!

How do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?
Honestly? I want to punch them in the face. Do you know how irritating it is when people that are thin stand right in front of me and go "Ugh, I'm so fat!" You're ridiculous. You don't know what being fat is. Until you actually have to shop in a plus size section of a store and buy a size 18/20 and a 2XL you need to shut your fucking mouth. (see the anger?) Statements like this also put the "If they think they're fat I cannot even imagine how they see me." thoughts in my head. Like, holy crap, I'm a giant beached whale to them. When thin people make comments like that it only continues to lower our self esteem and make us feel like an even shittier human being. 

Have you tried dieting? What happened? 
Have I tried dieting. HAHAHAHA. Yes. Yes I have. I have done it all. Quick fixes, dangerous diet pills, not eating, binge eating and purging (I guess that's not really a diet.....), Atkins, no carbs, counting calories, WeightWatchers.... you name it I have probably tried it. The scariest obviously being the binge/purge time in my life and the diet pills that made my heart flutter constantly. I have lost and gained and lost and gained more times than I can count. 

Do you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?  
You know, this is a tough one. My whole family is obese. They weren't always but my mother was never a size 2 and my dad was always around a 34/36. They were NORMAL. My mom was a size 10 in high school and I consider that to be thin. When I was a size 10 I thought I was super skinny. I think it is partially genetic because of my body type. When I get thin my body is still going to look a certain way. I'm tall, I'm stocky... it's my body I got from my family, however, I think most of it is environment. I was never limited to what I could eat. There were always snacks and food in abundance. My family showed love with food. I was allowed to eat what I wanted whenever I wanted and since I never complained about being picked on in school, I comforted myself with food my entire life. 

Do you consider yourself healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy?
Yes, I am healthy. My blood pressure is low, I eat healthy foods, I am still somewhat active, and the doctor has never showed major concern over my health. Yes, people assume I am unhealthy because I'm fat. Like there is no possible way I can be healthy at this size. When I tell people I've run 3 half marathons you'd think I told them I had 8 boobs. I get the "No way" look. Like, how can a girl your size do 13.1 miles. Fuck you. I could run laps around you at the size I am. (anger)

Are your parents both supportive of you at the weight you’re at? Have they always been? 
Yes and yes. My parents NEVER made my weight an issue and still don't. I know that they would both love to see me smaller and happier like I once was, but neither one of them have ever been anything but supportive. I kind of wish they would have maybe catered a little more to my binge eating habits when I was younger, but that is in the past and the only thing I can do is move forward. 

How do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people? 
Make them more trendy, cheaper, and comfortable. Right now my favorite place to buy clothes is Maurices. They have super cute clothes that are crazy comfortable and they aren't going to bankrupt me. Yes, they could be a slight bit cheaper, but I have found tons of clothes that I love there. However, that being said, when I was in high school and at my heaviest there were no such things as cute clothes for plus size girls. 

Do you think plus-size women are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How?
100% yes. If a woman is plus-size she is gross and apparently doesn't know she is fat and people need to tell her. The plus-size man always gets the cute, skinny girl, gets the job, gets the family, isn't looked at any differently unless he is morbidly obese (I'm talking 300+ pounds). There are guys I know that weigh about 220 and could stand to lose weight but people don't think of them as fat. When I weigh 220 I'm looked at like "Ew, get it together girl." 

Do you think there’s ever a right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight?
Yes. If and ONLY if it is a close family member or friend. If someone I barely knew came up to me and expressed concern about my weight do you know what that would do to me? I would get mad, defensive, and probably go home and binge. Seems kind of backwards to you? It kind of is - but I COMFORT MYSELF WITH FOOD. If I'm feeling defiant I can go in the kitchen and go "Call me fat, I'll show you." and just shove food in my mouth like a cookie monster crazed maniac. It isn't pretty. So, unless you are a close friend or family, keep your fucking mouth shut and let us do what we need to when WE are ready to. 

What are the worst things people have said to you about your body? 
I don't know if I can recall one situation that sticks out - but when I was about 170-180 and was running outside almost every day, people in cars were the worst. Guys would Moo at me, teenagers would scream mean things about "that fatty running". I once had a car full of teenagers make screeching tire sounds right behind me and when it scared me they said "We scared the fatty!" AND I WAS ONLY 170 POUNDS. On my 5'9" frame that isn't that big. I was in a size 10 and M at that time and that was fat?!?! 

What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?
When people just give a nice comment about clothes, hair, or make-up it means the world to me. "Wow, that shirt looks really good on you and is pretty! Where did you get it?" "Your make up looks really great! How did you do it?" "I love your hair!" I had a coworker that used to tell me all of the time how pretty my make up was and that it looked like a professional did it and that would boost my self esteem for hours. 
Or if people would just say things like "You've done 3 half marathons? That's awesome!" "Great job with that race you did." Notice that even though I'm big I'm TRYING. 

Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?
No. My friends have always been smaller than me. I'm not one to judge by size so I stick to people that I get along with, have things in common with, and have tons of fun with. Regardless of size. Sometimes I do feel like the biggest one in the group, but these people I am with never make that an issue and we always have a wonderful time. 

How has your weight affected your sex life, if at all?
There were times when it affected me badly. I didn't enjoy sex for awhile because I thought that I was such a disappointment to Andrew. He has never said that but I thought it and when that is going through your head constantly it is hard to get in the mood for it. All you can think about is "Oh God, he's judging my stomach." "I wonder if he thinks I'm huge." "Is he even turned on by me?" It was a lot worse than it is now. Now I don't care. I'm just like "Let's do this!" and if he doesn't like it.... well, that's never been an issue. ;) 

When you’ve been single, has your weight affected your dating life?
Oh yes. I was always the "good friend" or the "sister". I was never looked at as a girl or woman. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 22 years old. Then I was about 216 pounds and still losing. 

Those are the questions I chose to answer. I hope that gives some insight into the world of a larger person. I know thin people, like my husband, don't get it sometimes. Stop eating, they say. Exercise, they say. Guess what? We know we're fat and we know what we need to do. Being a dick about it doesn't help matters at all. Treat us like people, because guess what? That's what we are. I have a heart and feelings just like you and I deserve love, friendship, and respect just as much as a thin person. 

I Need...

... a couch, a comfy pillow, a soft blanket, and a required nap hour at work. That's not too much to ask for right? Hell. I'd take 30 minutes even. Just a quick snooze to get me going for the rest of the day. I think it is a fantastic idea!
It is another one of those weeks where I'm just tired. Super, super, tired and cannot figure out why. I slept plenty last night and it is day two of the time change. This is ridiculous. My body needs to stop hating me. Immediately.
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Foodie Food:
I had completely forgotten that I had signed up for a free Graze Box. They ask for your card info, but you can cancel almost immediately after you sign up. I might keep it for awhile. It is only $6.95/month and the first one was kind of fun!
I received this:

Super cute packaging and presentation. Inside was: Billionaire's shortbread, black pepper pistachios, brooklyn bites and tutti fruti. Mixtures of nuts, dried fruits, chocolate, pretzels, and pumpkin seeds. I had the billionair's shortbread today and it had cranberries, belgian chocolate, fudge and raw almonds. It was wonderful. Each little container of snacks is under 200 calories as well. 

Today's Menu:

B: Mean Green Juice, tortilla with light cheese, tea

S: billionaire's shortbread, 2 sticks of jalapeno string cheese

L: (totally not planned) 2 slices of cheese pizza and 1 small piece of birthday cake! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEBI! <-- my amazing co-worker

S: Nada

D: Probably congee and a juice 

Activity: *sigh* Nada

I'm not very hungry, obviously, and the thought of doing any kind of activity makes me cringe. I'm.so.freaking.tired. Have I mentioned that yet? 

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Other Things:

I cannot get the "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" song out of my head. I love Frozen but my goodness. Stop it brain! 

Last night I got everything done that I wanted to and got my Economics quiz out of the way. That class makes me feel so incredibly stupid. I know I'm not doing horribly in the class (getting a B) but man... sometimes I am certain of an answer and then get it wrong. Makes me crazy. 

I have also started putting aside time every night to crochet. I have a baby blanket to get done in less than two weeks! I don't have that many rows left and should be able to have it done by this weekend. At least I hope so! It is hard to crochet when you have two cats though. Hobbs loves to get in the way. He likes to try and eat the yarn, play with the yarn, or sleep on top of the yarn. Which irritates me because it is cream colored yarn and he's a black cat. I do everything I can to keep him off of it though. Punk. 

I'm rambling. I apologize. I hoped that by blogging it would wake me up a bit and give me some kind of energy boost or something. Instead it has just made me realize how tired I actually am and how easy it is to ramble on and on about nothing in particular. I could go on like this for hours but I won't bore you. 

Happy Tuesday, everyone! 

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

Remember Me?

It has been awhile since I blogged. As you know from previous posts someone close to my family passed away suddenly and mom, Andrew and I went to Davenport to be with them. It was so amazing seeing everyone. Getting the five Suhr kids all together in one place at the same time is almost impossible anymore. Unfortunately weddings and funerals are the two times this happens. We left Thursday afternoon to get there in time for the visitation. We had a huge family meal at Olive Garden afterwards and I think the waitresses really enjoyed us. We're a rowdy bunch!

We had 18 people present for that dinner.

Friday morning at 10:00 was the funeral and thankfully the weather wasn't horrid. The service was really nice and we were glad to be there to support the family. There was a luncheon at their church afterwards and we got a nice big group photo.

Basically this picture has all of my cousins, Aaron, Mat, Nate, Danielle and Sarah and their spouses/children, Andrew, my mom and me, my aunt Mary, my cousin Pam, Grandma Dorothy and Grandma Nonie, Nonie's grandchildren and children. 

I love my family so much and getting to see them all at once just makes my heart swell. I miss them like crazy and wish we weren't so far away from each other but that is just how things are sometimes. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon napping (ha!) and took Grandma Branner (my grandma in the white shirt up front) to dinner at our hotel. Andrew and I took grandma home and met up with Valerie for a surprise birthday party for her friend and we had a finger 'stache kind of night: 

We got back to the hotel around 10:30 and passed out! 

The family had planned on going to breakfast Saturday morning at Hy Vee and once again our large group was together for a meal:

Yes, that is me holding baby Michael. I stole him most of the weekend. He was such a sweet little guy.. until he got hungry. Then he went right back to mom. Notice the look my mother is giving me.... it is an evil look of "Where the hell is my grandchild?!" I told her I liked other people's babies cause I can give them back. She doesn't like it when I say that! After breakfast we headed back home to Springfield. We had a wonderful weekend and I am happy that I got to see everyone even though the circumstances weren't ideal. I am happy to say though that I have another cousin getting married this fall and I am hoping I will see everyone again then!! 

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I didn't weigh in this week. Since I was out of town I didn't get a chance to. I got on the scale this morning though and was maintaining what I was so I'm happy with that. Andrew and I went grocery shopping yesterday because we were in desperate need of food and I picked up some brussels sprouts from Aldi. I roasted them yesterday and holy goodness. I haven't had them in so long. I should've bought more than one bag!

I cut mine in half, added 1 T EVOO, kosher salt and pepper and roasted at 400º for about 30 minutes. Yum!

Today's Menu:

B: Mean Green Juice, 2 HB eggs, earl grey tea

S: Jalapeno cheese sticks, blackberries

L: Congee, roasted brussels sprouts, small salad with homemade dressing (if still hungry), Dark chocolate

S: Special K Chips, banana

D: Salmon, whole wheat cous cous, broccoli

Activity: Nada. 

I didn't want to get up super early with the time change. I want my body to adjust before throwing in morning workouts again. My alarm went off at 6:30 this morning and it took me 30 minutes to get out of bed. It was awful. Luckily I can get ready fast and don't live far from work! 

I really don't have much else to add. This month is going to be full of even more busy/crazy stuff. As I mentioned before, I'm out of town every weekend this month. My next trips are: Taylorville, St. Louis, West Des Moines, IA. 

I'm tired already.....

I Feel Defeated

Not for any one reason in particular, really. I just feel kind of frumpy and defeated today. Nothing earth shattering has happened, nothing was said or done to me.... I think it is just that middle of the week slump and my body hurts from working out so intensely after doing nothing at all. I think once I get some things crossed off my to-do list I will feel a lot better.

And sorry for lack of posting yesterday. I was actually super busy at work from the moment I got here to the moment I left to go home. It was really awesome.
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Tuesday Recap:
Well, yesterday was busy at work (hence not blogging) and then Andrew had promised a friend of ours that we would go over to her place and say hello. We did wake up at 5:45 to do T25 again and holy crap I'm feeling it more today than I did yesterday.

I burned the same amount of calories that I did Monday morning. I find that to be pretty funny.

When I got home from work I straightened out my hair and put in my fabulous new Bellami extensions!

Love love love love LOVE!!!! 

Best of both worlds. I can have my hair shorter but if I want it super long I clip those bad boys in and go to town. I wore the front part of my hair pulled back and I thought it looked really good. Andrew likes it but says it is weird seeing me with short hair one minute and then having it be super long the next. They match my actual hair color so well it is frightening. Haha. 

Andrew and I did end up having Chinese for dinner. We went to one of the buffets here in town. I filled up on some sushi to begin with and finished up with veggie rice noodles, broccoli, and green beans. I had a small cup of ice cream as well. I ate a little too much (as always at a buffet) but it wasn't anything super heavy or greasy so I was proud of my choices. 

Then we went to go visit our friend and we got home around 9:30. I was so tired because we've been getting up so early that I passed the fuck out. Head hit pillow. Becky went sleepy bye. 

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The rest of the week:

I'm here at work all day today. I had an appointment with Linda but I canceled it. I need to be here today because there has been a death in my boss's family and he'll be gone tomorrow. I'm leaving tomorrow at noon because there's been a death close to my family and I'm going to Davenport to offer my love and support. It hasn't been a good week. I'll be in Davenport tomorrow and I'll come home Saturday sometime. I will be out of town every weekend this month. Davenport, IA, Taylorville, IL, St. Louis, MO, & West Des Moines, IA. Funeral, dad's birthday, College basketball games, baby shower.
Hotel costs are severly eating up my March budget....

Eating this month is going to be super interesting too. Lots of meals out. It will probably derail me a little bit but I'm hopeful that I'll be able to do fairly well no matter where we go or what we do.

Today's Menu: (is super boring)
B: 2 eggs on a sandwich thin with a LC cheese wedge, earl grey tea
S: Cheese sticks
L: SmartOnes Ziti, small salad with homemade dressing, WW chocolates
S: Either a LC cheese wedge and crackers or a Chobani flip yogurt
D: TBD
Activity: Rest Day

I don't know what's for dinner. I have to go home, get Andrew fed before class, pack up my laundry and the dogs, go to Taylorville, do my laundry at my parent's house, leave the dogs, head home, and pack. I will probably be home late but I won't have time tomorrow to do any of those chores because I'm leaving right after work.

I also have a ton of reading and homework to be done and I am really, really hoping I can do that today if we're slow enough. So far, the morning is proving that to be true. *fingers crossed*

My mind is just a little cluttered right now and like I said, I'll be happy to get some stuff marked off my to-do list. I am hoping to get the homework done so I don't have to do it in the car on the way to Davenport. I really need to get to work crocheting the blanket I started for Sydney's baby before her shower on the 29th! EEK!

Weekend Recap

It is so cold. So, so, so cold. I hate it so much. I get ready for work in the morning and I dress warmly, but then I immediately get here, throw on the hoodie I keep hanging up at my desk and get my space heater going. I also make sure that I have hot tea or coffee right away. I don't think I'd survive otherwise because it's SO FUCKING COLD.
I'm moving to the Bahamas.
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Friday Night: I got off of work and ran to CVS to get a couple bottles of Skinny Girl wine. I love the California White. So good! I had a couple glasses of that and made up salmon, potatoes and broccoli for dinner. I spent the entire evening doing laundry. No joke. I got done around 11:00pm. Exciting night huh!?
Saturday: Andrew and I had received an invite to go to a (non)birthday celebration for our friend Neil. Neil was Andrew's best man in our wedding.

They have what we call Guy Love (for those of you that watch Scrubs and remember the musical episode). We called it his non-birthday because Neil was born on February 29. He really only has a birthday every 4 years. We went to Osaka for dinner (mmm, hibachi...) and then went out for a few drinks. Well, a few drinks turned in to closing down a bar at 1am and then deciding to go to the gay bar and close it down (3am). I have not had a 3am adventure in YEARS..... and there is good reason for that. Bless my husband's heart - he didn't drink very much because he was my driver. In fact, I think he stopped drinking around midnight and just let me do my thing. Once we got to the gay bar all I could process in my head was "DANCE. MUST DANCE OFF CALORIES FROM BOOZE." I danced like a crazy person. I don't care how stupid I looked. I was sweating like crazy and out of breath. That is all that mattered. WORK BITCH. That is the best part about a gay bar though. You can dance like an idiot and not care because 1) I'm not there to pick anyone up 2) Gay men are the best dance buddies and don't care if you look stupid. It was an AMAZING night. I made Andrew take me to a gas station on the way home so I could get some Gatorade. Trust me, if you have drank too much, have a Gatorade before you go to bed. That and chug water. You're welcome.

Sunday: I'm not 21 anymore....I would hate to know what I would have felt like if I didn't have the Gatorade and water. I woke up at 7:30 or so (goo) and let the dogs out. I peed, took some Ibuprofen and went back to sleep. I woke up again around 10:30 and decided food was my friend. I ate some Congee,

(Congee made with ginger, soy sauce, sesame oil, tofu, mushrooms, and spinach)

drank a lot of water, a Diet Coke for the caffeine and lounged around like a bum. Andrew came in to take a nap around noon and while he slept I made up some more congee and took my Economics Exam.

(Simple congee made with soy sauce, sesame oil, and tofu)

I used up the entire two hour time limit I had. That exam sucked. After my economics exam guess what I did? I SLEPT. Haha. My headache still hadn't gone away so I took something else for my headache and slept until 5:30. I got up, made a frozen pizza for Andrew and I and then basically played on my iPad while he played a PS3 game. Then we went to bed at 10:00.
It was a great weekend regardless of being a little hungover yesterday!
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Food & Fitness:
Andrew and I (as I mentioned in my previous post) had decided that we were going to do morning workouts. Since Andrew really doesn't have to be up early like I do, I thought that was pretty sweet of him to offer. We decided that we were going to do T25 because it is only 25-30 minutes long and it is an intense workout. The alarm went off at 5:45 this morning and neither one of us wanted to get up. BUT, since we committed to it and each other that we would do this we got going. I'm so glad we did it.

322 calories in only 29 minutes is pretty fantastic. You can tell how much Andrew enjoyed himself. haha! 

Today's Menu:

B: 2 eggs and simple congee, banana, earl grey tea

S: Cheese Sticks, 3 clementines

L: Spinach, tofu, and mushroom congee, WW chocolates

S: Sweet mini bell peppers with hummus

D: Broiled Tilapia and broccoli

Activity: DONE! T25 Alpha Cardio

It is nice knowing I'm done with my activity for the day. Plus, my crazy dancing the other night earned me 7APs. haha! Dancing is very good cardio. 

How I Make Congee:

This has become a new obsession for me because it is so easy, so good, so filling and super easy to make different varities. I got the idea from a girl that I follow on YouTube and Instagram. Here is her blog. She is a beautiful girl that lives in Hong Kong but was raised in Northern Ireland. She has such a cute accent! Anyway, I was watching her "Do you want to build a snowman" Vlog and she made congee. It looked amazing and is a very popular Asian dish. My first batch:

1 c. long grain rice (not instant)

9 cups of water (or broth)

1" of ginger sliced in thin discs (I pull them out after it is done cooking)

2 tbsp soy sauce

2 tsp sesame oil

Salt & Pepper to taste (I used Kosher salt)

Anything else you want to add in! Since I don't eat meat I opt for 3 oz of tofu for the protein but you could add chicken, pork, beef chunks, spinach, broccoli, carrots, mushrooms, etc.

Throw everything into a large stock pot and bring to a boil. 

Reduce heat and cover

Simmer for an hour or longer (depending on the consistency you want)

You can always add more liquid if it is too thick for your liking

Stir often! 

Mine makes six servings which is about 2 ladles full. 

Best part? Only 4PP per serving! If you were to add meat it would mess with the PP values. I just used my WW recipe builder to figure out PP of mine. Yum yum!

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That's really all I have today folks. Again, I had a fantastic weekend regarldess of how I felt yesterday and I am pretty excited to see how the week goes with my morning workouts. We haven't decided how many days we are going to do it; but we'll figure that out as we go along. Happy Monday, everyone!