I Really Need to Stop

I really need to stop comparing my life to that of other people's. It is really a hard thing to do, especially with social media these days. You can literally stalk all of your friends and acquaintances and know everything going on in their lives at any given time. I constantly sit and read my Facebook feed and see all of my friends and family and their houses, their children, how good they look, their jobs they love, and the wonderful vacations they take. It makes me feel like I am not supposed to be where I am in life and that I am some kind of failure. Like I was left behind while everyone else was progressing towards something better. Almost all of my friends have their own kids and Andrew and I don't, making our lives clash in differences of lifestyle choices and free time. I have a lot of pregnant friends right now. I am not pregnant and even though I'm wishy-washy about ever wanting kids, I don't have the urge to be pregnant right now. Almost everyone I know owns a house and I still rent a one bedroom apartment. A lot of people have their Bachelor's degrees that they got right out of high school and immediately went into the working world in their field of study. I still don't have a Bachelor's and work at a job (that I love) but I know is not my passion. A lot of my friends are healthy and thin. I am not. Don't even argue with me on this one. I'm tipping the scale at a whopping 245 pounds. I.am.fat. You can say it. You aren't going to hurt my feelings.

Saying all of that feels good. I like to get that kind of shit out of my head so I can re-read it and put things into perspective. My life is what it is supposed to be right now and I need to embrace that. My friends are (hopefully) happy in their lives and I need to be happy for them and support them. They are not me. I am not them. What I do in my life does not have to mimic what they do. I am my own person. I have my strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else in the world.

• I love my husband. He and I are perfectly matched. I couldn't be happier. 
• I don't have kids and I'm not pregnant. I have the ability to get up and go whenever I feel like it. I am responsible for ME. Nobody else relies on me for care... unless you count my husband. Ha! And the animals are always cared for. 
• I can take trips whenever I please. Again... I have the freedom to do as I choose when I choose without having to think about babysitters or child friendly activities. 
• I rent an apartment. I don't have to worry about roofs leaking, water heaters going bad, mowing the grass, shoveling the drive, plumbing issues, electrical issues... I live stress free because maintenance is a phone call away. I ask for new floors in the bathroom, they do it. I ask for a carpet shampoo, they do it. All free of charge. And moving in the future? I don't have to put a house on the market and wait for it to sell. We can just get up and go.
• I am working on my Bachelor's Degree right now. And by God I WILL finish it this time. I like UIS. Especially the price tag. 
• I am fat. But again, I am working on that. I have made incredible progress since working with Linda and will only continue to do so. I have lost weight this year so far and I promise you that once the weather is nicer I'll do even better because I can get outside. 

My life is mine and mine alone. I am happy with who I am and who I have chosen to spend my life with. My friends and family are all amazing and I am happy for the success they have. However, their success does not make my life any less valuable. It does not make me any less worthy of having what I want in life. I always have this self doubt of "Should I want kids?" No, if I don't... then I don't. If I do... then I do. It isn't a matter of "Well, that person has this so should I? Should I want that? Should I do that?" It is a matter of

"What makes ME happy?"