TGI....W?

Ah, short work week. Who doesn't like one of those? Especially when you get 4 full days off right in a row. I know I'm excited about it. I'm ready to spend some time with family, spend time with my puppy and just enjoy being lazy.
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WeightWatchers & Food:
Yesterday wasn't all that spectacular. I ended up snacking way too much and had horrible heartburn most of the day. Lunch was OK. I ate my soup and that was about it. Then the afternoon was full of snacking and bad behavior. Dinner was a heaping pile of noodles with RF parmesan cheese. I didn't eat what I planned but I suppose it could have been worse.

Today is weigh in day and I haven't been yet. I'm debating which meeting to go to. If I go to the 12:30 meeting then I can head straight home after work. If I go to the 5:15 meeting then I'll have more time to enjoy the meeting and the people. However, Andrew works from 12:00 - 8:00 today and Walter is going to be locked up in his crate longer than usual. Now, I know he'll be fine... but I want to try and avoid any messes in the cage and a bath for Walter if I can.

I always change my weigh-in day to a weekday but then I never want to go. I do go on weekends but then when I am out of town I don't go. I just really can't seem to commit to a specific day. Maybe I'll start going on Monday's after my appointment with my therapist. I will start seeing her every Monday from 3:30 - 4:30 and I believe there is a 4:45 meeting and it would be on my way home... hmmm.... I might just look into that!

Menu for today:
B: Special K Cereal, FF milk, coffee
S: Banana, 2 Cheese Sticks
L: Chicken Pot Pie Soup with extra peas added in, 1/2 c. garlic mashed potatoes, Yogurt covered pretzels
S: Apple or carrot sticks with hummus (or both I guess)
D: Brown rice, black beans, salsa
Activity: Nada

Again, I'm trying to focus more on food than anything else right now. I am going to try and talk Andrew into going to the fitness center early tomorrow morning. There's just something about exercising before you go and stuff yourself full of food that makes you feel a little less guilty. LOL. I don't normally go crazy on Thanksgiving - but I do eat more of the fatty, high calorie good stuff than usual.
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Beauty Product of the Day:

Philosophy Peppermint Stick Body Wash & Lip Gloss

I love the Philosophy brand. I also have their body wash in Mimosa scent. (yummmmm) Around this time of year I love everything peppermint. Soaps, lotions, glosses, candles, everything. I love candy canes too. I don't know where this obsession came from because nobody else in my family loves peppermint as much as I do. In fact, my mom HATES it. Needless to say, she wasn't impressed with this purchase. Haha. It smells so good though. I look forward to showering just because of the body wash alone. The gloss is just sheer but smells (and tastes) just like a candy cane.

I got this little set from Ulta for $20.00. 

I really like everything about Philosophy. I have a bunch of their products on my Amazon Wish List and I know for sure the next thing I want is the Purity Face Wash. The gal at Ulta gave me some free samples of it and I used it all up the other day. It is amazing. I love how it makes my face feel and it gets all of the make up and dirt off of my face very easily. If I had a Clarisonic I would definitely want to use the Purity face wash with it. 

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That is all for today folks! I hope you all have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving and spend it with friends, family and loved ones! 

Gobble Gobble!!

A Bit Depressed

I don't know if it is hormones. I don't know if it is the cold, crappy weather. I haven't quite zoned in on why I am so depressed right now but I am. All I want to do is cry. I cried myself to sleep last night. I've had to stop myself from crying numerous times already this morning. In fact, I am trying to avoid it right now. I don't want to cry right now. My make up is pretty today AND I'm at work. Haha. Maybe tonight if the mood is still there I will have myself a nice, big, blubbering, sobbing, cry-fest.
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WeightWatchers & Food:

My week restarts tomorrow but this is where I have gotten myself. Also, I didn't track at all last night after I got home from work. In fact, I only tracked my breakfast yesterday so that -16 is probably a lot bigger. I did finally go to the grocery store. We didn't buy a ton of food but we got enough stuff to get us through this week and most of next. (I hope). Mom & Dad always send us home with turkey, potatoes and stuffing (if there is any left) and I can use up turkey for a lot of different things. 

I am going to go to the 5:15 meeting at WW tomorrow and I am still deciding if I am going to drive to Taylorville tomorrow night or just wait until Thursday morning to do it. When I'm in this kind of a mood I am even more indecisive than usual. 

Today's Menu:

B: 1 c Special K Vanilla Almond Cereal, 1 c FF milk, coffee

S: 2 WW Cheese Sticks

L: Progresso Soup with some peas added in, yogurt covered pretzels and an apple

S: Carrot sticks and hummus

D: Brown rice, black beans, salsa and leftover veggies

Activity: None

I am trying to use up all of my leftovers from last week. I still have quite a bit of rice and some veggies and I have no problem eating up rice and bean mixtures. They are yummy and filling. 

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Review of BirchBox products:

I have used the perfume, the shampoo and conditioner, the Raspberry Indulgence tea and the highlighter pencil. 

Perfume - nice, elegant, crisp smell. Very strong. A little bit of this goes a long way. I sprayed on my pulse points (wrists and under my ears). Every time I move around or twist my head I smell it. Definitely like it. Would I pay $98 for a bottle? Probably not. I would ask for it as a gift though. 

Shampoo & Conditioner - It smells wonderful and my hair feels really amazing wet and dry. Especially after the conditioner. My only complaint with the shampoo is I had to use A LOT of it. I have very long and thick hair and most of the time I can get away with not having too much shampoo in my hands to lather up. It seemed like I couldn't get enough of this shampoo. For as much as it is per bottle I don't think I could justify buying it... unless I chopped all of my hair off. Good stuff though.

Raspberry Black Tea - YUM. I ended up having more than one cup of this tea last night. I used the tea bag as much as I could before it was getting too weak. If I could buy a box of that flavor, I would. 

Highlighter Pencil - Love it. Absolutely LOVE IT. Might be my favorite thing from the November Box. I used it this morning underneath my foundation to cover up/conceal the dark circles under my eyes and any blemishes. It blends out so nicely, matches my skin tone pretty well and has a nice creamy texture. I then took it and highlighted my brow bone and put a little on my water line to brighten up my eyes a little. It is wonderful. I would buy this pencil in the full size. I probably will once the sample is gone and sharpened down to a nub. 

I am very happy with my first BirchBox and cannot wait until I get a new one in December! 

Stuff, stuff & more stuff

My motivation to blog today doesn't exist. So, you're getting a very short blog post.

Weekend recap: 
I drove to Davenport on Friday night to spend the weekend with my best friend, Sydney, and to pick up my grandma and bring her back here for Thanksgiving. The weekend was wonderful. Friday night Sydney and I both got to town around 6:15 or so. We went to dinner at Olive Garden and then we just hung out and talked. Saturday we stopped by Augustana (Sydney's college) and then met her mom for lunch at Granite City. I love that place and wish that Springfield had one. YUM. After that we went to Ulta, stopped by Leclaire, IA to meet with her dad for a bit, hit up some small shops and then went to the mall. Once all of that was done we went back to her grandma's, played with some of the new stuff we bought and then played our violins together. Something we haven't done since we were in Jr. High School.

My violin is on the left and Sydney's is on the right. Mine is a Stradivarius copy violin made in Germany in the 1930's that I had restored. Sydney's violin is SUPER old and SUPER expensive and I could never in my life afford something like that. Sydney plays in the Des Moines symphony and is also an orchestra teacher. Hence the very nice violin. It was fun playing together again. 

We were both asleep before11:00..... I should say Sydney was asleep at like 8:00. Haha. Sunday we got up really early (like before 7:00) and lounged around before having breakfast and getting ready to hit the road. We went our separate ways and I picked up grandma and brought her back home with me. It was such an amazing weekend and I am sad that it went by so quickly. Sydney and I live 6 hours away from each other and it sucks. She has been my best friend since I was 12 and if I ever got to live in the same city as her again I would be so happy.
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Beauty Things:

I received my very first BirchBox today.

I cannot even explain how excited I am about this! I made myself wait a little bit to open it up. I had something for work come through so I finished that up and then I opened up my box to see what was inside. 

Assorted teas, shampoo, conditioner, highlighter pencil and perfume. Here are the brands and descriptions of each: 

Beauty Protector: Protect & Shampoo: New from the best-selling haircare line, this sulfate-free formula adds shine and volume. (and it smells amazing)

Beauty Protector: Protect & Condition:  This nourishing conditioner hydrates with the help of shea butter and pearl powder. (also smells amazing)

Chella: Ivory Lace Highlighter Pencil: This face illuminator brightens and contours - it can be applied 10 different ways! Brow bones, cheekbones or along lip line! 

Joie: Folle de Joie eau de parfum: A Birchbox customer fave, this fresh scent blends mandarin, rose, and sandalwood.(smells very nice, strong so you wouldn't need much. Almost an elegant smell... no wonder it is almost $100 per bottle!) 

Ahmad Tea London: Assorted Teas: A best-selling blend of premium teas from Assam, Sri Lanka, and Kenya. (Flavors are Green Tea, Black Tea English No. 1, Raspberry Indulgence Black Tea)

Once I fully try everything I will let you know what I like the best! 

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WeightWatchers & Stuff:

We're not going to talk about food. 

We're not going to talk about WW. 

I just need a day to even out and not think about it. 

I tracked my food from the weekend and am only -9. Not too shabby. If I wouldn't have done the wine tasting at the winery I probably wouldn't have gone over. It was fun though and I don't regret it. 

I WILL GO TO THE GROCERY STORE TONIGHT. 

End.of.Discussion.

It's Friday, Friday.... ♫♪♫♪

Good morning! There are many reasons I am happy this morning:

1. It's Friday!
2. I get Jimmy John's for lunch today. That always makes it a good day. 
3. I leave for Iowa after work and get to see my best friend! 
4. I had my husband kidnap my violin from my in-laws so I could take it to Iowa with me.*
5. I meet my new therapist today and I am really looking forward to seeing what she can do for me.
6. Did I mention it is Friday?
7. I get to bring grandma back home to celebrate Thanksgiving. Fun!
8. I put up all of my Christmas decorations yesterday and the entire apartment smells like Pine. 
9. IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!
10. It's Friday!
11. SYDNEY! 
12. Ok, now I'm being obnoxious. 

*Back story:

Sydney and I met in orchestra in Jr. High School. We have both been playing for a very long time and she is now an amazingly talented player and orchestra teacher in West Des Moines, IA. I had purchased a violin off of ShopGoodwill.com that was a Stradivarius Copy made in Germany in the 1930's. It was beat to hell and I had it restored by an amazing violin maker in Macomb, IL. He did a fantastic job and the violin has the most beautiful, rich sound. I am so happy I purchased the violin and put the money into it to have it taken care of. Sydney and I will get a chance to play together this weekend which is something we haven't done since we were 13 or 14 years old! 

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WeightWatchers & Stuff:

Yesterday went VERY well. No binge eating and the only thing I went over my points on was a vodka tonic (made with diet tonic) that I had while watching American Horror Story from Wednesday night. I spent majority of my evening putting up the Christmas stuff and cleaning the apartment and it kept me out of the kitchen and out of binge mode. That is basically all I have to do at night is keep super busy doing something. However, we all know there are some nights where you just plop down and don't want to do ANYTHING. Those are the nights that get me into the most trouble. 

Oh! And I earned 4 APs yesterday from all the decorating I did! 

Menu for today:

B: 3 pancakes, coffee, milk (7P+)

S: String Cheese (3P+)

L: Jimmy John's #6 Vegetarian with no mayo, thinny chips (19P+) <-- totally worth it.

S: Carrot Sticks (0P+)

D: TBD - I'll be on the road so it'll have to be something clever... I'll have 11P+ to use and IF I need them I have my WPs.

Activity: None - driving! Iowa! SYDNEY! 

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Beauty Products of the Day:

I bought these little gems at CVS the other night. It was in this little gift package for $4.99. It came with another cream that I keep on my nightstand. I LOVE the chapstick. (I know, I'm obsessed with chaptstick. Get off me) The lotion has a really nice consistency and doesn't make my hands feel slick or greasy. Just makes them super soft and I love the smell. It is not overwhelming at all. For $4.99 I think it was a nice little treat.

I got my Avon delivery yesterday and got these lip crayons. They were $3.95 each (on sale) and I have never used lip crayons before so I thought I would give them a try. The top one is Mauve Model and the Bottom one is Nude. I really like them. The nude one shows up a little darker than what you see on the bottom of the packaging but I still like it a lot. The Mauve color is really pretty with a sheer gloss over the top. It is what I used this morning. 

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Random Things:

You know how when you're on Facebook and you just start clicking and browsing? Well, that happens to me and my cousin's wife just uploaded a ton of pictures she has taken throughout 2013 and I was looking at them. Apparently my cousin Mat is in a Toyota commercial and I have been trying to find it on YouTube or somewhere on the internet all morning! My cousin and his wife live in LA and he has been in acting school the past 3 years. He has been in a few independent films and I wish him all the luck in the world! 

If you have seen this commercial or know where it is on line then send me the link! 

I leave you with Hobbs. His life is hard. Like. Ridiculously hard. Don't judge him.

A Fresh Start

We all need a fresh start sometimes. Wipe the slate clean and start all over.
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Wednesday Weigh In:
Weigh In: +/- 0
Total Lost: 0
Left to Lose: 101

Technically if you were going from my previous weigh ins I did lose 1.6 last night. I was happy about that. When I walked into the meeting Irene said "Hi Becky!" because I have been a part of her meetings on and off since 2007. If she didn't know me I would be worried. Haha! Anyway, it always feels nice to walk in there and feel so welcome and I know she is always happy that I'm back. At least she acts like she is. :)
Anyway, I told the receptionist that weighed me to wipe my slate clean and pretend like they didn't know who I was. Irene heard me and said "Nope, don't know you. Never seen you before in my life." They are such fun women at that meeting center and it always makes me wonder why I stop going. I am going to go back to doing the lunch meetings at 12:30 on Wednesday because I like that group and that meeting.

So, slate is wiped clean and I'm starting fresh.

Yesterday I stuck to my plan 100% and still had 3P+ leftover. Andrew and I were going to watch South Park so I made us up some air popped popcorn. I went over my DP allowance but I had my 49 WP to fall back on. I was so proud of myself. I did not binge eat anything and actually felt good when I went to sleep. That is an amazing feeling.

Today's Menu:
B: 2 Pancakes, 2 HB eggs, coffee (8P+)
S: (2) String Cheese (3P+)
L: 3.5 oz Chicken Thighs, 1/2 c. brown rice, spinach, Skinny Cow Candy Bar (11P+)
S: Carrot sticks with 2 T Peanut Butter (5P+)
D: 1 c. spaghetti with 1/4 c. pasta sauce, 1 c. peas, WW candies (12P+)
Activity: TBD

I really need to focus on tackling one thing at a time. Right now, focusing on getting my food intake under control has taken the more important role in my life right now. When I joined WW back in 2007 I lost over 20 pounds without ever exercising. I focused on food, measuring and tracking. I might do that for a bit, especially since the Holidays are very difficult. I might throw in some walks/runs here and there when I feel like it but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't workout EVERY day. I still have that challenge going on with Anna starting on Thanksgiving that I do at least a mile a day. That could be walking briskly, leisurely walking or running. Doesn't matter. Just 1 mile a day.
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Beauty Product of the Day:
Yes, this is new and totally necessary. Haha. The other day I signed up for a Birch Box subscription. It is pretty much amazing. You pay $10 a month and they send you a box that has all sorts of samples of beauty products, foods, creams, nail polish, etc. Since I am so interested in that kind of stuff I figured that this was a no-brainer. It comes out of my pocket money budget and I think it is totally worth it. Well, my first box doesn't mail out until 11/27/13 so I was shopping on the store looking for a fun little thing to get and I got this:

This cute little bag (taken next to a pen so you could see the comparison and see how small it really is) holds 17 emergency things. SEVENTEEN. I thought to myself, "No way."

Opened up a bit.....

From left to right (and center): Lip balm, breath freshener, hair spray, clear nail polish, tampon

Dental Floss, band-aid, nail file, sewing kit with a safety pin, buttons, backs to earrings and rubber bands for your hair.

Advil, deodorant towelette, double sided tape, stain remover cloth, nail polish remover

Is that not the coolest thing EVER?! The lip balm smells AMAZING. (of course I opened that first.) and I love having the rest of that in my purse if I ever need it. I am that person that likes to have everything. Just yesterday my boss wanted to know if anyone had a sewing kit because he lost a button on his pants. Guess who had one (before this bag)? ME! 

This little bag is so cute. It was $15 but I had a promo code for 10% off since I signed up for a subscription and I also got free S&H. 

Worth it. 

I Found Someone

I broke down again last night after a marvelously horrid binge episode. I'm not even going to type what I did because it is extremely ridiculous and mortifying. I got on line immediately (after feeling the overwhelming guilt of what I just did) and found a therapist that specializes in eating disorders and weight management. It was after hours so I called and left a message. She ended up calling me back around 7:30 which I thought was awesome. She makes herself available after hours. She said she usually takes phone calls until about 9:00 at night if anyone needs her. That is really reassuring that you can get ahold of her at night if you need support or help. I meet with her Friday at 11:30 and I am looking forward to it.

I see my primary care physician on December 3 and will ask about upping my dosage of my anxiety meds. I think I need a little bit more to balance out completely.

I am hoping that with these two things I will be able to better understand and battle my internal struggles with binge eating and the emotional stress that comes along with it.

Also, I wanted to point out that I do not share all of this information to be all "woe is me and my life". I do it because I know I am not the only one out there that struggles with this and I want people to know that they aren't alone and that there are other people battling the same issues. I know I have found numerous blogs that have helped me when I needed it and they have made me feel more at ease knowing that I can relate to others. It is very difficult to talk about this stuff.... moving on....
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WeightWatchers & Stuff:
As mentioned above, yesterday didn't go well. I also didn't exercise. What I did do though was this:

• I joined WW Meetings again. Whenever I say "I can do it on my own!" and go to eTools only... I fail. I need the support group, I need what they have to offer and I need the accountability. Plus, I love my leader.
• I did crazy food prep last night. I am guilty of the "We have no food and need to go to the store!" That isn't always true. Last night I cooked up:
• Baked Chicken Thighs
• Spaghetti: made into 1 c. servings with 1/4 c. sauce
• Brown Rice
• Pancakes (2P+ for each)
• Bacon for Andrew
• HB Eggs
• Spinach
• I charged up my Garmin and cleaned out my workout clothes drawer for easier access to my favoirtes
• Cleaned the apartment - this always makes me feel better
• Played with the puppy - brings me joy! 
• Found Help

With those things being done I feel a lot more energized and motivated today. I will still need to go to the store very soon, but at least now we have plenty to get us through until then. I know Andrew really appreciates when I cook ahead and make things up into individual servings. 

Today's Menu:

B: 2 HB Eggs, 2 Pancakes(plain), 1 c FF milk, coffee (10P+)

S: (2) String Cheese (3P+)

L: 3.5 oz Chicken Thigh, Spinach, 1 c. FF cottage Cheese, SF Jell-O Pudding Cup (10P+)

S: Carrot Sticks with 2 T Peanut Butter (5P+) - Got this idea from Katie's Blog

D: 1 c. spaghetti with 1/4 c. pasta sauce, broccoli, Skinny Cow Heavenly Crisp Chocolate Bar (9P+)
Activity: TBD

My WW Meeting is tonight at 5:15pm and then I have to go home and take care of the babies. I might wait for Andrew to get home and go to the fitness center or go for a run while he watches the dogs. If not, I'll do the 30 Day Shred.
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Not much else to update and sorry about the lack of photos. I haven't really been in the photo capturing mood lately.

Oh, and I cannot believe it is November 20 already. WTF?

I Need an Adult

Seriously. I apparently left the garage door open this morning. I live in an apartment complex so this isn't a good deal. Not that I have super valuable stuff in my garage or anything... I just hate that it is open. All of my Christmas decorations are in there and so is our spare bed we had in our two bedroom apartment. Andrew was kind of funny when he called because he was like "I brought my golf clubs in. They are worth the most money." He is probably right. I called the leasing office and asked if someone from maintenance could go over there and close it. Hopefully by the time Andrew gets home for lunch it will be shut. If not, it is my own damn fault if anything goes missing. *sigh*
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WeightWatchers & Food:
I didn't stick to my plan yesterday and I did not exercise. Boo, Becky. Boo. I was exhausted yesterday and I have no idea why. I ended up cooking a huge batch of brown rice (to eat for the week) and then I ate some of that and a PB&J sandwich. Weird combo right? Then I decided around 8:00 that I needed air popped popcorn. Not the worst choice in a snack but the fact that I added some melted butter didn't help matters much. Then I may or may not have eaten some Skinny Cow candy. Yeah. It was one of those nights.

After doing that I got frustrated and felt horrible (because it was kind of like a binge) and I cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned out the cupboards, cleaned out the fridge and got rid of anything old or things that had been sitting way too long. Now I need to make up a grocery list and get my butt to the store so I don't have any more nights like last night. Even though I didn't exercise like I had planned, I still earned 1 AP for running around like a crazy woman.

Menu plan for today:
B: 2 HB eggs, 1 c FF milk, coffee
S: String Cheese
L: Chicken Pot Pie Soup, SF pudding, celery and PB
S: Chobani Key Lime Flip
D: Chicken Thigh, 1/2 c. brown rice, huge pile of spinach
Activity: 30 Day Shred or at least a 1 mile run
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I really have nothing else to update. I don't have any ingredients for new recipes so I haven't had anything to post on that front and I'm feeling sluggish this week from having to take Benadryl every night. Blech.

This is my exciting life.

Jingle Bell Run & Weekend Recap

Hello Monday! I did not want to get out of bed this morning but only because I've been taking Benadryl at bedtime because my allergies are really bad. Therefore, when I wake up in the morning I feel like I'm heavily drugged. It takes awhile to get going so the first thing I do is take Walter out because the cold morning air really wakes you up! 

Time for my weekend recap. 

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Jingle Bell Run for Arthritis - 5K 

It was really fun! The temperature was great! The wind was a little strong but luckily it was at our backs after the turn around!

That still seems SUPER slow to me since I used to run a 9-10 minute mile, however, that right there is the fastest 3 miles I have done in a very long time. I am super proud of that. I ran the last part of the race without stopping. Also a big accomplishment since I have been so lax about running lately! 

Lots of fun outfits, hats and bells! Dogs are also welcome during this race. I wish Hyatt could have run it with me. He was with us in spirit! 

In the spirit of the race I wore red leggings under my shorts and a bell in my hair!

Afterwards, Andrew and I, plus the delicious salad and cheese snacks that we had after the race. Andrew didn't have the cheese snacks...being lactose-intolerant and all. I enjoyed them though! 

The race was really fun and I'm so glad we did it. The shirts we got were pretty awesome too. I love long sleeved T-Shirts. They are the best to bum around in during fall/winter. They are also great to run in! 

After the race we went home to shower and pack up for a weekend in Taylorville. I ran to PetsMart to grab some cat food and picked up a few cheap sqeaker toys for my mom's dogs. It was also Malcom and Inara's 8th birthday so I picked up a Peanut Butter Pup-Pie for them to share. (they loved it) Once in Taylorville we spent the day relaxing and I ended my night with this:

Dirty Gin Martini. Mmmmmmm...... I like to have martinis because I can only drink 1 and I sip it slowly to enjoy it. I do not over indulge when I drink these and then I don't use up as many of my points! 

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WeightWatchers & Food:

My food choices weren't amazing this weekend but they were better than they have been recently. Going to mom and dad's is always hard because they always have "no-no" foods (the foods that trigger me or I cannot say no to) and it is hard to stay away. I did really well though and only ended up -2 points as of last night. I have also earned 12 APs so far and it is only Monday! I plan on earning those 2 P+ that I am negative and them some. I want to keep on running this week. Going for at least 1 mile a night. 

We are getting to that "I need to go to the grocery store" point at our apartment. I have enough pasta, rice, and vegetables for sides but my only meat is Chicken Thighs. Hopefully I can be creative enough to make everything last one more week. *fingers crossed*

Menu for today:

B: Smart Ones Oatmeal, 2 HB eggs, coffee

S: String Cheese, Apple
L: Leftover 3 Bean Turkey Chili, Tuscan Herb Bagel, WW candies

S: Celery sticks and Roasted Pine Nut Hummus

D: Chicken Thigh, brown rice and spinach

Activity: At least a 1 mile run, if not more

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I leave for Iowa on Friday and I'm so excited! I get to see my bestie and then I'm bringing Grandma back to town for Thanksgiving! I love this time of year. It is full of friends and family! 

Weigh In Day

*grumble*
Stupid weigh in day.
*grumble*
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Friday Weigh In:
Weigh In:  +4.5
Total Lost: 3.5
Pounds to Lose: 102.6

Meh. My fault. Not much to say about it. I had a binge episode last night after coming clean about having a problem with BED. Ironic huh? Last night I took the time to make a "List of 21". A therapist I used to see told me to make a list of 21 things with #21 being Binge. The other 20 needed to be things I could do instead of binge eating. If I got through ALL 20 things and still felt the urge to binge... then I'd binge. This strategy being that those 20 things would keep my mind and body occupied and out of the kitchen. I had made a list a long time ago but don't know what I did with it so I made another last night. I'm glad I did. I'm hoping it will really help me with this problem. I know it isn't something that will be fixed over night and I know that I will deal with it the rest of my life. I just need to know there are people, tools and help when I need it.

Inches Lost:
Waist: -2"
Bust: -2"
Arms: -1.5"
Hips: -1"
Thigh: -2"

I started taking measurements on 10/31/13 and since then have lost 8.5" total. It is the positive after a negative weigh in. Even though the scale is irritating me at least my exercise is doing some good. I don't FEEL like I have lost 8.5" off my body, but the tape measure doesn't lie.
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New Recipe:
Last night after exercising I made Chicken Pot Pie Soup.

I used Gina's picture again because I didn't snap one of my own. I did not put mushrooms in my soup because Andrew doesn't like them. I figured if I wanted to add more vegetables to my own after I made the big batch I could. This makes quite a bit. I used the serving size of 1 c so that it would only be 4P+ for each serving. I have not had it yet because last night I wasn't hungry for it. Today I am pairing it with a Tuscan Herb bagel. I am excited to try it. It smells wonderful! 

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Last Night's "Run":

I was reading an article in Runner's World Magazine about this guy who made a pact with another runner to go out and run at least 1 mile a day from Thanksgiving to New Year's. I thought "What a fun idea. A mile isn't bad at all." So after reading the magazine and thinking about running most of the day, I had to go out last night and find a nice 1 mile path to run. Obviously going around the block of my neighborhood is going to work out nicely. I can make that loop a little over a mile and a half if I want to so if I did it twice it would be about a 5K distance if not a little more.

I invited Anna to do this challenge with me and we are going to start on Thanksgiving. I've made us a fun little spreadsheet to keep track of our progress and we will keep each other accountable. Then, starting in January I will start training for the Lincoln Presidential Half Marathon for April 2014. I want to set a Half Marathon PR.

Tomorrow is the Jingle Bell Run 5K. Andrew is doing that one with me. We will go tonight to pick up packets and our shirts. I love the Jingle Bell Run. It is the perfect run to get ready for the Holidays. Plus, it is for Arthritis! Since I have Arthritis I fully support this cause! I haven't run a race since the Fat Ass 5K in May. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I miss the atmosphere of races. I love everything about it.

Reminiscing & Coming Clean

I've been going back through old photos on Facebook. Mainly from around 2009 - 2011. That was when I was really on the ball with my running, weight loss and eating.

This picture was taken at the beginning of 2011. It was a practice run through of my wedding hair and make up. See how happy I look? See how thin and healthy I look? What happened to that girl? I do miss her a lot. She was full of energy, she was always happy, sure sometimes she would still see a "fat" image in the mirror from time to time but as soon as she put on her size 10 skinny jeans she felt on top of the world. When she went shopping at Express and could buy MEDIUM shirts she felt like she could do anything.

Now I have to skip past Express because I know there is no way in hell their clothes will fit me now. All of my shirts, jeans and dresses I got from Express are hiding in my closet. I don't have the heart to part with them because I keep telling myself I will wear them again someday.

That picture of me on the left (before pic) was taken in 2009 (I believe) and the right photo(after pic) was taken in March of 2010. I'd be happy to be back to 196.4 at this point. 159 was my lowest weight ever. What is funny is the number wasn't as important to me in that photo. It was the fact that my thighs didn't touch, that my waist and butt were SO much smaller. I looked like I had a new body from the waist down. The after picture was also taken right after I had gone on a run. I'm sure I went about 4-5 miles. That was my norm. I could go out and do about 5-6 miles in under an hour. I used to go every single day. I also only worked from 3pm-8pm too and I would go around 10:00 am. I do miss that....

Last night I had a good cry. I was feeling absolutely miserable. My allergies were horrid. I couldn't breathe through my nose, I was wheezing like crazy and my eyes were all bloodshot and itchy. Not to mention as soon as I got out of the shower I noticed my legs looked like they had broken out in hives. I had Andrew go to CVS to pick up some Benadryl because we were out. I took two of them knowing full well that when I went to wake up in the morning I'd feel like a zombie but I didn't care.

All I can think to myself is that I feel like garbage because I'm not taking care of myself like I used to. I never used to have problems breathing. I never used to have to puff an inhaler before or immediately after exercise. Yes, I've been doing the 30 Day Shred. Yes, I've been trying to be better about food. Yes, I'm still tracking on WW even though I do go negative at times. I'm wearing my ActiveLink. I'm doing some things to get myself back to where I was but it isn't enough. I'm still not 100%. Why? What changed? I have this mental battle with myself on almost a daily basis. WTF happened to me? Why after gaining 20 pounds didn't I do something? 30? 40? 50!??!! I just kept going, and going, and going; the entire time knowing that I needed to stop back tracking but I did nothing to stop it. It infuriates me. I know I cannot change the past. I'd love to go back in time and kick my own ass and say "LOOK WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU" but I can't.

I know a lot of the gain was because I was super stressed out and unhappy in the job I had. That isn't the case anymore. I have a job I love and the stress... well, there isn't any. Andrew and I are in a good place financially. Why can I not pinpoint the reason that I keep slacking? There was a brief period of time when I was seeing a therapist for eating disorders. Mostly binge eating but there was a brief period of time when I was purging too. I still binge. I have periods during the day, usually at night, where I stand in the kitchen and eat everything and anything. Mindlessly. Just eat. Telling myself in my head to stop.... but not stopping. And then afterwards I feel an intense amount of guilt and remorse. I feel as though I have just done something terrible like cheating on my husband or beating my puppy. The guilt is out of this world. Thankfully it hasn't gotten to the point where I'm purging.... but the binge is still there. The urge to do it is still there. I eat in secret. I hide food. I do all of the things that define a binge eater. Katie posted this blog as well about binge eating and her issues with it. I like knowing that I am not the only person out there that has this issue and I do take medication for my depression but I'm thinking that I possibly need to up my dosage or get my ass back to a therapist. I didn't really click with the one I had which is why I stopped going.

I think I will go see my doctor sometime soon and talk to her about my medication and as for a referral to a new therapist. I have to do something or I am going to go crazy.

This post was very long and very hard to type. It is hard to expose yourself to the world sometimes but I feel that by doing it I am getting one step closer to getting better.

No Pictures Today

I must have been lazy yesterday. I didn't take any pictures. Oh well. You'll just have to deal with my rambling.
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New Recipe:
Last night I made Baked Chicken Parmesan from, you guessed it, Gina's Site. It was fantastic! I stole her picture which is a lot prettier than mine turned out.

Mine was a melted cheesy mess and absolutely delicious. It is 6P+ a serving and it makes 8 servings! That is a lot for Andrew and I and I didn't think this one would freeze very well so I invited mom and dad to have lunch with me today here at work and I packed some up for them. Now I only have a few servings left at home for Andrew and I. I put mine on top of 1 c of linguine (5P+). I added a vegetable too for some greens. It was a very filling dinner and I do recommend it!

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WeightWatchers & Stuff:

I am definitely back on track. I got off a little bit over the weekend, as usual, and that carried over into Monday but yesterday I had a serious conversation with myself about how I needed to get back with it and stop having the mindset that I can do what I want and only be good 90% of the time and still lose weight. That isn't how it works. 

I am still doing my 30 Day Shred Challenge. Today is Day 13 and I did switch to Level 2 on Sunday. I don't know if I pushed harder or what last night but today my back is SORE. There are a lot of planks and shoulder exercises in Level 2 and I'm really feeling it. That is a good thing since my body was getting used to Level 1.... but man. I'm a bit uncomfortable. I don't even want to know how I'd be feeling if I wasn't soaking in Epsom salts at night. Andrew and I really like those. We ordered a huge bag off of Amazon and they are already almost gone. Great stuff! I got lavendar scented ones so they would be relaxing at night. 

My menu I have planned for today is:

B: Tuscan Herb bagel (plain), 1 c FF milk, coffee

S: Cheese Sticks and a banana

L: Leftover Chicken Parmesan, 1 c noodles, SF jell-o pudding

S: Bell Peppers with light ranch

D: TBD

Activity: Day 13, Level 2 of Shred

I haven't been running recently and I really should try and go out tomorrow. That 5K is sneaking up on me. Haha. I'm hoping that by doing the Shred it has helped improve my performance somewhat. 

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Tomorrow night I will take my measurements and progress photos. I sure don't feel any different but the tape measure and photos don't lie! We will see what happens and I hope to have some awesome results for Friday's weigh in post. 

Let it Snow!

Our weekend was great. I'm not going to give a full recap but it was a nice weekend. Wedding, bonfire, movie, Sims 3, groceries, naps, etc. 

Yesterday we got our new floors put in our bathroom. I was so excited for this to happen! We have a cat that sprayed. Any of you that have cats know that once they do that there is no hope of getting the smell out of the floor unless you rip up the carpet and the padding and put down new floors. Luckily for us, he only sprayed in the bathroom by the litter box so changing the floor in that area was easy enough. I. Love. It. 

There is the before and after. SO much nicer. The after picture is missing the toilet because they hadn't finished yet.

Chatham Hills is the best. I'm telling you. This will be our 3rd year living there and I lived there for 1 year back in 2007. I love the community and I love the people at the leasing office. It is a really nice place to live. 

Anyway, yesterday was a hectic day. I left work early to be there for the installers and to gather up the animals to take them to my in-laws. We spent majority of the afternoon over there and running errands and finally went back to the apartment around 4:30. Well, they still weren't completely finished but it was OK that we were back in the apartment. I cleaned, vacuumed up most of the mess they made, got the animals situated again, washed all the bed clothes (Walter had an accident on the bed), cooked dinner, ate dinner, cleaned up after dinner, vacuumed more after they were completely done, showered and dried my hair. Needless to say by 8:30 I was exhausted and according to my ActiveLink I earned 4APs. No need for exercise. Haha. I laid down around 9:00 and passed out. Not even under the covers or anything... just passed out. Andrew woke up me around 10:00 so I could get situated for the night and he was like "It snowed." WHA!? I had to jump out of bed and look outside. It didn't snow much but it was pretty! I am one of those weird people that likes the snow. Not all over the roads mind you, I like it on the grass, trees and houses. This was the perfect kind of snow. It'll all be gone by the end of the day but it is pretty to look at for now! 

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New Recipe:

Yesterday I made Chicken Parmigiana Burgers from Gina's site. 

They were delicious. It makes 4 so Andrew and I each had one and then we each got one today for our lunch. 

I couldn't find the exact sauce she used in her recipe, so I just used regular pasta sauce so they were a little messy. We used forks to eat them and we just loved them. Perfect quick and EASY dinner after a hectic day. 

This is one that I will save in my binder and make again. 

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WeightWatchers & Stuff:

I finally went to the grocery store which is why I was able to make such delicious-ness last night for dinner. I also made Andrew a huge batch of chicken noodle soup that he can eat on throughout the week. I know he appreciated that. I still have some leftover chili from before that I need to eat up and one serving of baked ziti. Those will definitely be lunch items for the remainder of the week.

Food has been OK. Not great. I started Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred and holy cow did it kick my butt. I will do Day 12 tonight. I'm hoping that even if the scale doesn't show me good numbers on weigh in day that I will at least continue to lose inches and see changes in myself. 

I ordered a GIANT water bottle/jug for work off of Amazon and got it yesterday. I've been using a large Tervis cup for water while I'm at work but I'm not exactly sure how much that holds. Plus, I am constantly filling it. I got myself a 64 oz pink jug and that is my daily requirement for water intake. I love it and am glad I got it. 

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Random Thing of the Day:

Andrew got me my own PS3 controller. I love it. 

Weigh In Day

Happy Friday! I'm looking forward to the weekend, like always. All I have is a wedding to go to and then I want to stop by the apartment complex bonfire on Saturday and that is all I have planned! Other than that I will do laundry and snuggle my sweet little fur babies.

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Friday Weigh In:
Weigh In: +2.1
Pounds Lost: 8
Left to Lose: 98.1

Very much expected this. After a week of a 10.1 pound loss it is kind of OK to gain a little bit back. Especially since I have upped my activity tremendously. My body is still adjusting to everything. I also didn't have the best food and know I went over my Points allowance. Last night I completed Day 10 of the 30 Day Shred. I will be taking progress photos and measurements on Thursday nights and as of last night here were the results from the previous week:

Inches Lost:
Waist: 0
Bust: 2'
Arms: 1'
Hips: 0'
Thighs: 0.5'

Total of 3.5 inches lost. I was very happy. I would have been happier to see inches lost of my waist but that will come eventually. I don't see a ton of difference in my photos except my back. Before when I lost weight I always did front and side pictures and this time I decided to throw in back pictures as well. I'm glad I did. That is where I noticed the most change. I was actually really shocked!(and proud of course) Tonight will be Day 11 and I am thinking of switching to Level 2 soon. Once I can get through Level 1 without taking ANY breaks, I will jump up to Level 2. Gotta keep my body guessing.

I won't be posting any progress photos until I start to see even more of a difference. Maybe after 3 weeks or so. I'm still kind of grossed out and embarrassed by my pictures and how I look......
I'm not ready for the world to see yet. LOL
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WeightWatchers & Food:
Guess who still hasn't gone grocery shopping? THIS GIRL! Seriously.... this morning I stopped at the gas station and picked up 2 HB eggs, a cliff bar for an afternoon snack and a banana. Then I swung through McDonald's drive up to get Oatmeal and a large black coffee. I really do not like McDonald's because:
1) It makes my stomach hurt so bad
2) I CANNOT say no to their french fries
3) I can go in there with good intentions but they completely go out the window once I smell the fries
4) Supersize Me <--- scarred me for life
5) Because it is just so unhealthy and greasy
However, I love their oatmeal. It is one of the few things I really enjoy from there (minus the fries). Their coffee is also really good too. I will get a coffee and put my own FF milk in it.

For lunch I am going to have a Jimmy John's Vegetarian Unwich with no mayo and a pickle. Dinner.... well.... good question. I have NO idea. I have some leftover chili..... I could have that and some veggies. I think I will go to the store tonight. Late. Once Andrew gets home from work (around 8:15 or so) he can stay home and watch the puppy while I go stock up on food. If not tonight, I will definitely go first thing tomorrow morning. I try to avoid grocery stores on the weekends. Too many people. Too many kids. Makes me twitchy.
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Currently Reading:

Just started this last night. I finished "The Accident" by L. Barclay and it was really good. Lots of twists and turns that I was not expecting. I love books that have me trying to guess who the killer is and what is going on throughout the book and then they throw you completely by surprise at the end. I am hoping this one is similar. That happened with "Too Close To Home" too. Great writing. Great attention to detail. Love it.
The only thing that makes me sad is that our online library doesn't have all of Linwood's books. I may have to go downtown to the library this weekend to find the rest.
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Nothing else to update folks. I hope you all have a fun and safe weekend and I probably won't be posting anything new until Monday!

Puffy

I'm feeling puffy today. This morning I went to take my newly resized wedding ring off and had to pry it off my finger it was so puffy. WTF man? It is coming off much easier now but that was really irritating this morning. I'm on a mission to drink as much lemon water and green tea as I can today so that I can flush my system of the sodium and water retention. Tomorrow is weigh in day damn it. I will not have these shennanigans!
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WeightWatchers & Stuff:
Well, yesterday went alright except for the cup of noodles with RF Parmesan Cheese I decdied to have around 7:00. After I had eaten my dinner at 5:30. Yeah. It happened. *sigh* No wonder I'm puffy. I didn't end up doing the Shred until almost 9:00 but I DID IT. That is what matters. I procrastinated big time last night. There is a reason that happened too. Still, I did it and I am very proud of myself because I could have made excuses about it being late and being too tired, etc. Tonight will be Day 10!!!

Menu for today:
B: 2 eggs, lite english muffin, 1 c FF milk, coffee
S: Strawberries, air popped popcorn
L: Leftover 3 Bean Turkey Chili, Grilled Cheese, SF Jell-O Pudding
S: Plain FF Greek yogurt, 1 T Peanut Butter and 1 T Grape Jelly (one of my new favorite snacks)
D: Huge salad with romaine lettuce, chickpeas, mushrooms, olive oil and balsamic vinegar
Activity: Day 10 of Level 1 of the 30 Day Shred

I'm having a the salad for dinner in hopes that keeping it light won't throw off my weigh in tomorrow. I am nervous for it because I had such a huge loss last week and this week I had a couple of "no-no" meals that I'm not proud of. We will see what happens. I will also be taking my measurements and some progress photos tonight. Since starting the Shred and sticking with it I want to see what, if anything, has happened with my body. I'm nervous/excited to see!

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Puppy News:
Ok, so the reason I didn't work out right when I got home was because of darling Walter.

Do not let his cuteness fool you. As soon as I walked in the door of the apartment my nose was assaulted by the most rancid and putrid smell. I almost threw up. Mr. Walter had pooped in his cage and it was ALL OVER HIM. I had to get him out of the cage, poop all over my hands (hurk), and let him outside to do whatever business he needed to attend to. Then I had to get him again and get him a bath ASAP. Then I had to scrub my hands in scalding hot water. Ha! Once he was all cleaned up I threw out the blanket that was in the cage since there was no point in washing it and then I cleaned out the cage and put it outside to air out. The joys of having a puppy folks. 

I've had many puppies in my life and this is nothing new... but my goodness it has been awhile and ICK. 

After all of that was taken care of I played with him awhile to get some of the energy out of him, put a new scent in the Scentsy burners to get that lingering poop smell to go away and then finally got to change out of my work clothes. So, that is where the procrastination came from. After all of that was done I didn't want to do the Shred. 

Silly little Walter. 

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Currently Reading: 

The Accident by Linwood Barclay

I recently finished a different Linwood Barclay book called "Too Close to Home". It was really good so I decided to give another one of his books a try. So far, so good. Before starting in on this one I read a Lisa Jackson book called "You Don't Want to Know". Also very good. I am trying to branch out and find some new authors through our online library. I get all of these books on my Kindle Fire through libraryonthego.org and I love it. I still enjoy going to an actual library and getting physcial books but the ease of just downloading it onto my Kindle is awesome. I have read so many books recently. 

Anyway, Linwood Barclay does murder mystery/thriller novels and I enjoy his writing style. The books always start out really good too. They capture my interest right away. I would recommend "Too Close to Home" as well as this one I am reading now even though I'm only 42% done. It is great. I am going to try a few more Lisa Jackson books as well. 

Feel free to leave me some authors you like as well! I read about 2-3 books a week and would love some new things to try! 

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Nothing else to update folks. No new recipes either. I really need to go to the store. The only thing in my freezer is ice and a few bags of frozen vegetables. The fridge isn't much better.... 

So glad I have leftover chili and baked ziti still. Otherwise Andrew and I would be eating PB&J for every meal the rest of the week.....

.....Until we ran out of bread...... 

What Crummy Weather

Seriously, yuck. Let me tell you how much it sucks fun it is to train a puppy in the rain. Walter doesn't seem to mind gonig out in the rain but I mind it when those little paws get all wet and muddy and track it all in the apartment! I have a towel a wipe his and Caesar's feet off with... but really, try wiping off a 12 week old puppy's paws. Squirm central! Thank goodness I have excellent carpet cleaner.

And here is your daily dose of Walter:

He is SO PRECIOUS! 

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WeightWatchers & Food:

I wasn't at work yesterday. Woke up with a nassty UTI so I don't have any food pictures but I will do a quick recap. 

Monday night I had the 3 Bean Turkey Chili from Gina's site. It was delicious as usual. I don't put in the full amount of chili powder because Andrew doesn't like spicy food. I tell him it is fine with me because I just add more of the powder and jalepenos to my own bowl. So good. I will probably be having that tonight for dinner after I exercise. 

I'm also still working on the ziti I made last week. I love those types of recipes that I can continue to eat for awhile. I always freeze some portions so they will last longer too. I do need to go to the grocery store very soon because I know Andrew is really wanting to try the recipes he picked out. It is really hard for me to get motivated to go to the store though because I have Walter waiting for me at home and I just can't wait to see him! 

I had a little peek at the scale today and I am holding steady at my 10.1 pound loss from last week. That is fine with me. If my body decides not to lose anymore I am ok with it. That was a huge loss for one week And I know it will all balance out. However, I'm still working towards something whether it happens or not! Even a 0.2 loss or something would be magical. 

I will be doing Day 9 of the Shred tonight! So glad I joined this challenge with some wonderful ladies on WW. I actually look forward to doing it anymore. It is part of my day now. It is a little difficult with little Walter because he loves to chew on my hair when I'm donig the circuts on the floor... but that's OK. Whatever keeps him entertained. Haha. 

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Nothing else to report. 

Super excited for American Horror Story tonight!